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  1. 6 days ago on Non Sequitur

    Yes, promote him immediately…so we can blame him for all of our problems before firing him for daring to say that what we do is wrong. Oh, wait – it’s a woman? Well, do everything she says, and the board will publicly take all the credit – oh, and maybe move her to one or two offices closer to a corner. A fine example of what is known as the Paula Principle at work – “Women are not allowed to be promoted to their level of incompetence.”

  2. 8 days ago on Agnes

    How soon before one of them realizes, “Hey – it’s a beef jerky maker! Let’s make some {who knows what} jerky!”“How do you do that?”“I suppose you just stick the animal in, and cut it into jerky-size strips later”

  3. 27 days ago on Pearls Before Swine

    I can’t wait to tell my friends in Oregon about it, and the Free Vacation Voucher they can get! (radio disclaimer: “Vacation voucher not available in Oregon”) oh well…

  4. about 1 month ago on Pluggers

    Rick needs to thank the writers of The Love Boat – this was a joke when Charo’s recurring character was taking her citizenship test. Something like: “What does the Bill of Rights guarantee?” “The right to short sleeves…no, wait…bear arms!”

  5. about 1 month ago on Lio

    Why is it that every time “dad” (that’s what it says on the check) comes into money, there’s Lio and a mushroom cloud somewhere nearby? First the lottery, and now this.

  6. about 1 month ago on Pearls Before Swine

    “In my day,” the local police would occasionally put a squad car just past a stop sign at the bottom of a steep hill to trap cyclists that ran the sign

  7. about 1 month ago on Heart of the City

    So, of course, after Heart is done setting up the sabotage…“Dana is sick/has a family emergency and can’t be in the musical! Heart, you’re the lead now!” (possibly followed by, “I was so busy planning the sabotage that I forgot to memorize my lines, or learn any of the songs…”)

  8. about 1 month ago on Rubes

    Until now, I thought “homonym” and “homophone” were synonyms. Apparently, if the spelling of the two words is the same, it’s a homonym; if they’re different, it’s a homphone.

  9. about 1 month ago on F Minus

    Underdog had a response for this sort of thing:“I am a hero who never fails.I can’t be bothered with such details.”

  10. about 1 month ago on The Argyle Sweater

    Meanwhile, California doesn’t want anybody to leave – not even on vacation. Seriously, California TV stations are running ads begging people, “Take your vacation inside the state this year! We-er, our businesses-need the money!”