Close to Home by John McPherson for May 29, 2023

Might as well go with the cheapest.

finally, truth in advertising!

Plastic plants that live forever priceless

What about plants that will kill you?

One time I was six weeks old. One time I had $21.

Bleeb is posing as a posie.

The ‘New Progressive Gardening’.

It seems to be taking Bleeb a while to get back into the swing of things after his week’s vacation. Yesterday he was on a window sill. Today “posing as a posie” (as blunebottle aptly put it) up on a table. Dude, the observational possibilities are much better from a lower perspective.

The flowers on the table are called Dumpster Flowers. They are the ones that die on the way home… and go straight from the car to the trash.

I’ve had my geranium with clusters of bright red “rosettes” for over 20 years now. It has hundreds of offspring around the area now too.

https://img.auctiva.com/imgdata/3/3/2/6/0/2/webimg/1130632557_o.jpg

Finally, a garden store that caters to me. I have The Black Thumb of Death. Le Pouce Noir de Mort if you are feeling a little Gallic.

We have a curious sales subset at our place. A plant that does poorly in an enriched bed, so we dig it out and throw it in the compost heap. The next summer there is a gloriously healthy plant right in the middle of the onion skins and egg shells. : /

Very artistic depiction of flowers!

Do they come with a guarantee or a Certificate of Blame?

I’ll take the aloe vera plant. Maybe it will heal itself?

Take them home, repot immediately and give them a gallon of water, twice a day. That should kill them very quickly. Basically that is what many people seem to do.

Any plant I buy from K….r doesn’t live long…

I quite giving my wife flowers years ago. Flowers are just dead plants that haven’t wilted yet. I have long subscribed to the above theory and give her plants. That way she can enjoy the process of killing it herself.

I want one for 52 weeks.

It took me a bit longer to unintentionally kill a cactus.

Can I get something for free if it is already dead?

Thats why I buy succulents. Easy to take care of

If they’re for indoors, buy some at Hobby Lobby.

I figure I might as well get pre-killed plants.

That’s an interesting way of looking at plants, John, better than buying/giving plant corpses…

That’s kinda watering it down to say the least

I won’t spend a lot on plants because, even with tender loving care, sometimes they just don’t make it. Where we live, our local Lowe’s has a plant sale rack. Most are 50% off or more, and are in various stages of life. I love to get the ones that look like they’re on their last legs and then rehabilitate them. The straggly Verbena I got a few months ago, is growing like crazy, and has lots of pretty white flowers. If you want a plant that’s practically indestructible, try a red yucca. It grows quickly, puts out flowering stem in early spring, and can withstand very high heat as well as freezing temperatures.

John McPherson draws an accurate picture of my everlovin’ OH. “Your Mission – if you choose to accept it – to keep the plant nurseries in business”.

I think this is where my wife used to get her plants because after a while they would die. All this time we thought she had a “brown thumb”!

The last one is the best buy. It’s only $4 a week.

What’s funny is that some of the longest-lived plants I’ve had were the cheapest, or that I got free by asking for overgrowths that I rooted and planted, or that people were throwing out.

Recycled from 12-1-2020