Not a personal story tonight, but a cherished one nonetheless. (Catholics, beware!)
Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same say, but there’s a mixup: the Pope goes down, and Clinton goes up. Well, it doesn’t take long for the problem to be resolved, and soon both men are traveling toward their respective final destinations. As they pass each other in the middle, the Pope says, “I’m so glad this got resolved! I’ve been waiting my entire life to meet The Virgin Mary.”
It’s just plain wrong to say that Mauna Kea starts 16,785 feet underwater. That’s the entire island of Hawaii, not one mountain. In fact, there are four mountains on the island, not just Mauna Kea.
A woman takes her dog to the vet because it’s having hearing problems.
The vet says “Its because it has so much hair in it’s ears. Once a month, get some Nair and spread it in it’s ears, it’ll keep the hair growth down.”
So the woman goes to the pharmacy to get some Nair, and while she’s trying to find it the assistant comes over and helps her find the product.
“Here you go madam, it’s right here. And remember, if you are using it on your legs don’t wear tights for a couple of days as it can bond them to your skin”
“Oh no” says the woman, “I’m not using it on my legs.”
“I see,” says the assistant. “In that case don’t use your deodorant for a few days as it can irritate your under arms.”
The woman glares at the assistant with a weary look and says “If you must know, it’s for my Schnauzer”
And the assistant says “In that case don’t ride a bike for a week.”
I looked at the powerlifting videos. The second one, he’s wearing some shoulder harnesses that keep his arms straight. Seems like a mild cheat. Don’t get me wrong, having 1,000 lbs. slung over your chest is crazy strong.
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on their holidays.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. They packed colorful shirts, shorts, swim trunks and sandals, and each brought sunglasses.
The morning after they arrived, they went to the beach, wearing swim trunks and t-shirts. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when gorgeous topless woman came walking straight towards them. They tried not to stare, but the temptation was strong.
As the woman passed them, she smiled and said, “Good Morning, Fathers.” They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went to a store on the island and bought garish Hawaiian shirts, Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous woman, topless again, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said “Good morning, Fathers.”
One of the priests couldn’t stand it any longer and said, “Young lady, we are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?’
eromlig about 2 years ago
Not a personal story tonight, but a cherished one nonetheless. (Catholics, beware!)
Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same say, but there’s a mixup: the Pope goes down, and Clinton goes up. Well, it doesn’t take long for the problem to be resolved, and soon both men are traveling toward their respective final destinations. As they pass each other in the middle, the Pope says, “I’m so glad this got resolved! I’ve been waiting my entire life to meet The Virgin Mary.”
“Oops” says Clinton.
jasonsnakelover about 2 years ago
One time I was 16,786 feet tall. One time I was 13,803 feet tall. Vector Viscovo Kifford Clapono
One time I was 51 years old. One time I weighed 1,126 pounds.
Lac Meask One time I was 47 years old.
Biden’s good at swimming?
May the Lord be with you.
monkeysky about 2 years ago
I believe in the UK, they call them ice cream vans. It always makes me think of this radio sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lray-9F1WP4
Templo S.U.D. about 2 years ago
I would hate to stop a funeral procession of an ice cream man for some ice cream.
Bilan about 2 years ago
It’s just plain wrong to say that Mauna Kea starts 16,785 feet underwater. That’s the entire island of Hawaii, not one mountain. In fact, there are four mountains on the island, not just Mauna Kea.
Charlie Fogwhistle about 2 years ago
Here’s one I hope you enjoy:
A woman takes her dog to the vet because it’s having hearing problems.
The vet says “Its because it has so much hair in it’s ears. Once a month, get some Nair and spread it in it’s ears, it’ll keep the hair growth down.”
So the woman goes to the pharmacy to get some Nair, and while she’s trying to find it the assistant comes over and helps her find the product.
“Here you go madam, it’s right here. And remember, if you are using it on your legs don’t wear tights for a couple of days as it can bond them to your skin”
“Oh no” says the woman, “I’m not using it on my legs.”
“I see,” says the assistant. “In that case don’t use your deodorant for a few days as it can irritate your under arms.”
The woman glares at the assistant with a weary look and says “If you must know, it’s for my Schnauzer”
And the assistant says “In that case don’t ride a bike for a week.”
Until next time.
Copy-&-Paste about 2 years ago
“TINY??”…I wonder where THAT name came from?
zerotvus about 2 years ago
why is it? that a young person get a ticket for listening to loud music, but ice cream man gets nothing. and is more annoying???
JDP_Huntington Beach about 2 years ago
I looked at the powerlifting videos. The second one, he’s wearing some shoulder harnesses that keep his arms straight. Seems like a mild cheat. Don’t get me wrong, having 1,000 lbs. slung over your chest is crazy strong.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxlhvUaYvrE
Huckleberry Hiroshima about 2 years ago
Ah the day the muesli died.
Take care, may hunted bag pipe player Logan “Heck I Just Wear Ear Plugs” McLord be with you, and gesundheit.
TheBigPickle about 2 years ago
Kangaroos are devious – they will wait in the water for a predator to come after them and then drown them.
FassEddie about 2 years ago
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on their holidays.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. They packed colorful shirts, shorts, swim trunks and sandals, and each brought sunglasses.
The morning after they arrived, they went to the beach, wearing swim trunks and t-shirts. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when gorgeous topless woman came walking straight towards them. They tried not to stare, but the temptation was strong.
As the woman passed them, she smiled and said, “Good Morning, Fathers.” They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went to a store on the island and bought garish Hawaiian shirts, Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous woman, topless again, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said “Good morning, Fathers.”
One of the priests couldn’t stand it any longer and said, “Young lady, we are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?’
She replied, “Father, it’s me, Sister Kathleen.”
JoshHere about 2 years ago
The last panel, that guy just noticed his fly was open, worst yet, it was his going commando Saturday
Bill-Bob about 2 years ago
Above sea level, it is Mt. Everest that is the tallest, highest mountain. Fuhget about it.
mindjob about 2 years ago
Tiny Meeker’s step brother is librarian Mucho Gregarious
The Duke about 2 years ago
The only IPA I lift are 16oz.
sbulger Premium Member about 2 years ago
I’ve read that the tallest mountain in the world is entirely underwater!
pbr50138 about 2 years ago
How did they “climb a mountain” underwater?
WDD about 2 years ago
Kangaroos are good swimmers? That’s remarkable, considering their hopping is an adaptation to an extremely hot arid environment.