Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for January 05, 2022

“Believe It Or Not” might be a fitting preamble for the following:

Many years ago, I heard my older sister come home from high school and start talking with our parents. I couldn’t quite hear what she was saying, but it became clear when I heard my father roar, “You’re PREGNANT? How did THAT happen?!”

Well, my junior high school health class had just covered that topic the week before, and I eagerly went in to answer Dad’s question. However, before I could open my mouth, I caught the look Mom was giving me, and I decided Dad’s education could wait…

I’m certain it was one of the better decisions I made in my youth.

One time I traveled at 7 miles per hour.

Jewel’s innocent of starting any fires and doesn’t get into mischief like other pets.

May the Lord be with you.

Would Garfield even eat Taiwanese pupae cat food? I know Mog of Crumb wouldn’t.

There’s going to be a lot more fires once cats start getting fed silk worm pupae.

I’ll take amusement parks and roller coasters for $400, Mayim.

A woman gets off a roller coaster at an amusement park, feels dizzy from the ride and falls to the ground, unconscious.

She wakes up to find a man rubbing her upper torso. “What are you doing?” she asks.

“I was just reviving you,” replies the man. “When I saw you unconscious on the ground, I lightly slapped you, but nothing happened. I rubbed your wrists, but nothing happened. I even gave you mouth to mouth, but still nothing happened. I’d run out of ideas, when a guy with a mustache came around the corner shouting something like ‘Fondle her b\\bs!’. So I did that, and sure enough, somehow or other, that woke you up.”

“That’s very sweet of you,” says the woman, “but that guy could have just told you quietly instead of shouting it out where children can hear it.”

“I was just thinking that,” says the man. “Let’s go talk to him.”

The two of them walk around the park, trying to find the mustached man.

“There he is,” the man says at last. “Go tell him he shouldn’t shout out things like that in public.”

The woman is about to give the mustached man a piece of her mind, when the mustached vendor shouts…

“RUBBER BALLOONS! RUBBER BALLOONS!”

Until next time.

That’s why they have those PSAs telling people never to teach your cat how to use a Bic lighter.

That’s why my cat vapes.

Ok, I’m interested in the reducing the smell of their poop. But no way in hell does Mr ADHD need more energy.

Most pet fires are caused by chewed electrical cords or power lines. We used to have a possum problem here.

And knitting, reading the paper, and doing elbow raises were requirements.

Take care, may self-throned Emperor of The Household Willow “You Please Me You Live” Kittyord be with you, and gesundheit.

Okay, now we definitely have a vested interest in keeping China from invading Taiwan.

Are the silkworm pupae harvested from the silk making process? That would a good thing for the silk farmers, possibly another revenue stream.

I thought Smokey the Bear taught the wild animals about fire safety. Maybe they’re getting revenge for us still starting forest fires.

Hmm, I wonder if “Ripley’s Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not!” is by Ripley’s Believe It or Not… ☺

Six mph or not, that roller coaster pictured looks mighty dangerous without any restraints!

The family owned a pet. And then the house was punished severely.

People in 1884 were not using wrist watches. That wasn’t until the 1920’s.

I read that the first major auto race had a winner with an average speed of 7 mph. Those days just weren’t big on velocity.

Wonder whether the poop-smeller ever thought “four years of college for this??”