Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for March 19, 2021

And the hooves tapir off?

A duck hunter is out in the woods when he sees a likely-looking stream just across a fence that has a sign reading NO TRESSPASSING. Well, the hunter figures ducks can’t read, so he crosses the fence and almost immediately spots a fine mallard, which he brings down with one shot. As he goes to retrieve it, however, a farmer with a shotgun comes from behind a tree and announces, “This is MY property, and that’s MY duck.”

“But I’m the one who shot it,” says the hunter.

“All right; we’ll settle this country style,” the farmer replies. “We’ll have an old-fashioned ball-kicking contest: first I kick you in the balls, then you kick me in the balls, and we continue until one of us can’t go on. The winner keeps the duck.” The hunter agrees to this contest, and prepares to kick the farmer.

“It’s my land, so I go first,” the farmer corrects him. So the hunter stands, legs spread, eyes closed… BAM! The farmer’s foot hits him squarely where a man least wants to be kicked. He screams, doubles over, falls to the ground, loses his lunch, and lies there moaning for a good ten minutes. Finally, he starts to move, and eventually he stands up on shaky legs, and says to the farmer, “OK; it’s my turn.”

The farmer says, “You can keep the duck.”

The Inca Tern’s cousin, the Inca Dincadoo, has a huge beak.

Fun fact: hooves are basically just toenails. The reason horses only have one hoof per leg is that each of their legs are basically just a big finger.

I would guess he has 5 hooves on each foot. If he were shaped a little differently, we’d call them fingernails.

Figured nutella has no more nuts than a Mickey D’s hamburger has meat…..

The rest of Nutella is sugar.

Not to mention nine of every ten sugarcanes which ends up as sugar in it.

The real mystery is what happens to the OTHER three of every four hazel nuts.

To other birds, the Inca Tern sounds EXACTLY like Antonio Banderas sounds to US.

My ex was the same way.

Take care, may failed zoologist Thelonious Monkord be with you, and gesundheit.

One of the other three flavors my coffee.

Female Inca Terns have been known to order the Flawless Facial Hair Remover from the real Amazon.

Tapirs are grateful to Howie Long for recommending Skechers wide fit.

Let’s be nice and not make fun of the bird.

Take all of those nasty, bitter nuts out of Members Mark Deluxe Mixed Nuts while you’re at it.

Not surprised about Nutella – can anyone think of another food-related item that uses hazel nuts other than coffee flavoring?

So the Tapir knows how to hoof it!!!

Aw man, I’ve been to Peru and Chile and never saw that tern.

Georgia would be a lot better if 1 in 4 of its GOP members ended up in Nutella.

And what are the odds of peanuts ending up in peanut butter?

I bought a jar of NUTELLA – - ONCE — That stuff is so sickeningly sweet that it almost gagged me. I finally used it as frosting on a cake that was going to a ‘Get Together’ to get rid of it. It wasn’t too bad used that way. Never will buy the stuff again.