Kliban by B. Kliban for September 04, 2020

Waiter- “How did you find your steak?”

Diner- “I moved a couple of peas aside and there it was.”

Damn metric conversion….

Ask for catsup.

That coffee had better be really strong.

“Make it a double.”

Those damned espresso cups….( looks like the stripe is on his pant leg.)….

At a hundred dollars a plate.

And pay $100 for it.

It’s called Nuclear Espresso.

Is that a cat tail hanging out of cloth over waiter’s arm?

And the tip will be proportional.

European espresso is served in smaller, more concentrated portions. This is the tradition from post-war coffee-shortages, when coffee was a luxury to be sipped. Americans are used to gulping coffee. I cannot believe I used to drink percolated coffee.

In George Orwell’s “Down and Out in Paris and London”, he describes how the waiters would put the tray with the customers change on a hot oven, so that the coins would be too hot to pick up.