Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for May 22, 2020

You’ll have a softer landing with glider clips and wing nuts.

This becomes The Microsoft Paperclip Helper for all those puter tough spots.

Going ape on the Windows.Com…

Awwww, baby Sasquatch. Don’t listen to him though, that kind of bad advice is why mama put him in a time out.

…Paperclips pushed into turnips can cause a faraday shield…

…make two shields and they repel each other…

…add a little bit of baking soda and vinegar and you’ll bounce like a bumble…

…this is why America needs to open up…

…I need a haircut…

…and I’m thinking too much

Wouldn’t be such a smooth move if you happen to land on a pile of coarse grit sandpaper..

Nothing like sitting on a giant pile of sleeping bags drinking a beer.

It’s a dance that’s sweeping the nation.

Better than rusty nails

Looks like someone’s been tarred and feathered. Who would do that to a baby Sasquatch?

Memo to self: … uh … sticky notes …?

“In German, a young lady has no sex, but a turnip has. Think what overwrought reverence that shows for the turnip, and what callous disrespect for the girl.”

Twain, Mark, A Tramp Abroad, American Publishing Co., 1880

“Gretchen. Wilhelm, where is the turnip?

“Wilhelm. She has gone to the kitchen.

“Gretchen. Where is the accomplished and beautiful English maiden?

“Wilhelm. It has gone to the opera.”

Ibid.

Yes, turnips do break in the fall. Paper clips are available year round.

Sexy turnips are an acquired taste for some. Attach some red paper lips to help get things going.

Given those alternatives, on the whole I’d rather take my lumps—especially if I looked like your Monkey-Boy character, than whom I am (but of course!) far more handsome, if older yet not wiser. Viz., why fall at all?

Is this a nefarious plot emanating from the Sisters of the Perpetually Lame?

I hate it when hair grows on my underpants.