Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for June 20, 2016

Uh, yup. Or if you’ve got a wild hair, just tell ’em what to fear.

…Why? Because it’s too late? Anyway, how bad can it be if he didn’t jump?…Seriously, he could have pinned the sign to his back and jumped from the tenth floor………The message would have had a bigger impact…..Z urp!

Brexit threatening?

I knew a guy who would find himself in a crowd of business type folks. He would pull out his cell phone and engage in a loud conversation with his imaginary stockbroker.The conversation usually ran something like this, “It did? Oh, my god, see if you can sell at any price. And the gold, man, dump the gold.” Then he would stroll off as people began fumbling for their cells and frantically punching numbers.

The best way to drive someone crazy, back when Western Union was still delivering messages instead of printing money orders, was to send them a telegram reading “Ignore previous telegram. All may yet be well.”

Ahhhhh, Douglas. We miss you. So very, very much.

Pick pockets in England used to find out where people kept their wallets by yelling on a crowded train; “watch out for pick pockets!” I think I read that in Ripley’s when I was a boy.

That’s actually very good advice. The problem is when that advice usually comes.

Either he really does know something; or he is a therapist—maybe a shrink? Or?

The panic should have come thirty-five years ago, when the government began giving away the farm to money interests. Since then, its been the death by a thousand cuts for the non-rich.

“When in trouble, or in doubt, run in circles; scream and shout.”

Economics 101 – Define the following:

Recession : When your neighbor is out of work.

Depression: When you are out of work.

Panic : When your wife i s out of work !

Avoid the rush! Go straight to PANIC!

You, you and you: Panic. The rest of you follow me.

Ignore previous message. It’s not quite as bad as it first looked.

The Red Dwarf is about to blow up.Rimmer: Think of something, please! You’re supposed to have an IQ of 6000! Think of something!Holly the Ship’s computer: I’m thinking!(after several seconds)Rimmer: Well?Holly: I’ve been through the whole of my database and I have three really simple alternatives.1. Sit here and get blown up.2. Stand here and get blown up.3. Jump up and down, shout at me for not being able to think of anything, then get blown up.—Spoiler alert: The ship doesn’t blow up. The bombs were all duds from sitting there unused for 3 million years.Lister: Why didn’t you say anything?Holly: You never asked!

Siegfried: VE do NOT panic here!!

that’s right up there with “Mom, don’t get mad but…”