Herman by Jim Unger for January 02, 2024

Too little, too late!

With me, it’s a booked appointment to be seen in a couple weeks. I long figured the best chance i have of seeing the doctor will be a coroner.

Maximum strength, I hope.

Don’t forget to call him in the morning!

He’s already expired

“It’s OSHA calling. The man says, next time don’t use a sand blaster in a hot room with inadequate ventilation. Oh, and wear protective clothing!”

He sort of resembles the Swamp Thing, but she’s no Adrienne Barbeau.

The creeping crud has crept upon him

In July, after a day working in the sun, found what was a perfect picture of melanoma on my forearm. Called for appt and was told Feb – maybe. Asked what I should if my arm falls off first. She found me one in 3 weeks at 0730. Given my desire for sleep, I kinda hesitated, but took the jump. By then, the little picture had faded and proved not harmful.

I naturally was relieved, but the incident proved that in at least the past ten years, dermatology seems to have become the latest medical practice to have reached epidemic status. Question – is it the general environment, a deterioration of atmospheric protection, or a change in human physiology?

That must be some serious stuff. It has even decayed his clothing. The chair will be next unless he gets to the bed first.

My wife is a Congregational Nurse. She does not provide nursing care. She does routine screenings, helps with access to care and provides medical advice mostly in the form of “this is what it means when your doctor says …” or “do this, then tell your doctor about it.”

She gets pictures of people’s body parts on her phone. No, not those kinds of pictures. Usually an swollen ankle or the results of a run-in with poison ivy. She does get a lot of calls asking things like “Should I take my child to a doctor?” She asks them questions to help them make the choice.

I’ve been ear witness to some of these calls. Her response varies between “Take two aspirins and call me in the morning,” to “Why are you calling me? Hang up, dial 911 and I’ll meet you in the emergency room.”

At least it isn’t the zombie plague.

She needs an extra-large hazardous waste bag; better phone the hazmat team.

That’s a pretty good visual representation of how I have felt occasionally.

So this is what happens to you when you use too much lard in your cooking

Tylenol would be better.

Let’s face it. The only way to see a doctor “soon” is to be bleeding and/or broken and be brought to an ER…if there is still one in your area.

My brother who lived alone was weakening and not feeling well so he sought an appointment. It was a wait of a couple of months. On the morning of that appointment he did not show and did not respond to the doctor’s phone call. A police wellness check found him on the kitchen floor with his cell phone still pocketed. Heart attack and subsequent autopsy found a cancerous tumor in the pancreas. Good thing he had major health insurance coverage???

Another relative is a cancer survivor and found a lesion on her scalp and another on the back of the neck. A month to get an appointment. Got it treated with some cryogenic procedure. Told to come back in a month and if it had not healed then it would be biopsied. I am not a medical type but I would be looking elsewhere right now. She has another week to go.

Probably just needs a little dusting.

Worse case of toenail fungus I have ever seen.

At least…..

Youse such a silly man! Put da lime in da coconut and call me in da morning! You call me in da morning…I’ll tell you what to do!(Long live Nilsson!)

Hopefully they don’t share the bed.