It’s springtime in my hemisphere (no offense to you Aussies, Kiwis and other down-underers) and it seems like a good time to throw off one’s clothing and head for the pond:
Several nubile young ladies are skinnydipping in Farmer Brown’s pond when the farmer himself shows up, bucket in hand.
“Go away, you dirty old man!” one of the young ladies screams. “You think you’re going to get an eyeful, but we’re staying right here with the water up to our necks until you go away!”
“Oh, don’t worry, girls,” replies Brown, holding up the bucket. “I’m not here to stare at you. I just came down to feed the alligators.”
Here’s a fun (maybe scary) fact: The Pied Piper of Hamelin is almost certainly based on a true story. The earliest known version of the story was found in Hamelin, and listed a specific date only a few decades before the writing, which also was the same time dozens of children disappeared from town records. No one knows what exactly happened to those children, but one major theory is that they were lured away to populate new feudal settlements.
Really good Elephant jokes are hard to find. I finally chose this one so I could get back to sleep.
A man has an elephant that is getting too expensive to feed, so he puts an ad in the paper for a 50/50 contest. 20 dollars to enter, and if you can make the elephant jump, you win half the pot. Many people try but nobody can do it.
One day, a slick guy in a Cadillac shows up puts money in the jar, goes to the trunk and pulls out a bat. He walks up, whacks the elephant in the marbles and the elephant jumps 5 feet in the air. He takes his winnings and goes.
A few months later, the remaining money is gone and the elephant owner needs to raise funds again. He announces another contest, this time the objective is to get the elephant to shake his head yes and no. Once again many people show up and fail, then the caddy guy shows up again. He pays his money, goes to the trunk, gets the bat and walks up to the elephant.
He asks the elephant “you remember me?” Elephant shakes his head yes. Guy shows him the bat and asks “want this again?” Elephant shakes his head no.
This joke really needs a closing line. Feel free to make suggestions.
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, “Well your Honor, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming’ and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ‘Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling,’ and I had to smile.
Then she moved under a deodorant sign that said, "William’s Big Stick Did the Trick,’ and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, ‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!’ … I just lost it.”
CASE DISMISSED!!
I like this joke particularly well because when we were cleaning out my grandpa’s desk after he passed in 1973 he had this joke stashed away with a few others. Each was typed on yellowed onion paper and faded to almost illegibility. In his version of the story, the advertisements were on a streetcar.
The dancing plague aka Saint Vitus dance was believed to have been caused by a fungus called Ergot. see “Dancing mania” Wikipedia.This fungus is thought to have had a lot to do with the happenings in Salem, Mass. as well.
eromlig almost 2 years ago
It’s springtime in my hemisphere (no offense to you Aussies, Kiwis and other down-underers) and it seems like a good time to throw off one’s clothing and head for the pond:
Several nubile young ladies are skinnydipping in Farmer Brown’s pond when the farmer himself shows up, bucket in hand.
“Go away, you dirty old man!” one of the young ladies screams. “You think you’re going to get an eyeful, but we’re staying right here with the water up to our necks until you go away!”
“Oh, don’t worry, girls,” replies Brown, holding up the bucket. “I’m not here to stare at you. I just came down to feed the alligators.”
monkeysky almost 2 years ago
Here’s a fun (maybe scary) fact: The Pied Piper of Hamelin is almost certainly based on a true story. The earliest known version of the story was found in Hamelin, and listed a specific date only a few decades before the writing, which also was the same time dozens of children disappeared from town records. No one knows what exactly happened to those children, but one major theory is that they were lured away to populate new feudal settlements.
Templo S.U.D. almost 2 years ago
Was that sixteenth-century dancing bug the Safety Dance as depicted in the music video of the same name of Men Without Hats?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjPau5QYtYs
jpsomebody almost 2 years ago
Always smile, it makes people wonder what you are up to.
RLG Premium Member almost 2 years ago
You’d have trouble jumping too, if you weighted 6 tons.
therese_callahan2002 almost 2 years ago
Try convincing people who say, “I’ll slap that smile right off your face.”
Charlie Fogwhistle almost 2 years ago
Really good Elephant jokes are hard to find. I finally chose this one so I could get back to sleep.
A man has an elephant that is getting too expensive to feed, so he puts an ad in the paper for a 50/50 contest. 20 dollars to enter, and if you can make the elephant jump, you win half the pot. Many people try but nobody can do it.
One day, a slick guy in a Cadillac shows up puts money in the jar, goes to the trunk and pulls out a bat. He walks up, whacks the elephant in the marbles and the elephant jumps 5 feet in the air. He takes his winnings and goes.A few months later, the remaining money is gone and the elephant owner needs to raise funds again. He announces another contest, this time the objective is to get the elephant to shake his head yes and no. Once again many people show up and fail, then the caddy guy shows up again. He pays his money, goes to the trunk, gets the bat and walks up to the elephant.
He asks the elephant “you remember me?” Elephant shakes his head yes. Guy shows him the bat and asks “want this again?” Elephant shakes his head no.
This joke really needs a closing line. Feel free to make suggestions.
Until next time.
J. R. M. almost 2 years ago
Smiling is contagious, so is yawning.
SquidGamerGal almost 2 years ago
Well, no DUH elephants can’t jump! Just look how big and heavy they are!!
Huckleberry Hiroshima almost 2 years ago
Well, some people called it dancing.
Take care, may Purple Supremacist Barney “I Only Look Down On Short Things” Dinosord be with you, and gesundheit.
FassEddie almost 2 years ago
Smiling
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, “Well your Honor, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming’ and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ‘Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling,’ and I had to smile.
Then she moved under a deodorant sign that said, "William’s Big Stick Did the Trick,’ and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, ‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!’ … I just lost it.”
CASE DISMISSED!!
I like this joke particularly well because when we were cleaning out my grandpa’s desk after he passed in 1973 he had this joke stashed away with a few others. Each was typed on yellowed onion paper and faded to almost illegibility. In his version of the story, the advertisements were on a streetcar.
198.23.5.11 almost 2 years ago
BILL MURRAY in “Larger ThanLife”.
How much is your salad bar.I mean,your ENTIRE Salad Bar?"
PaulAbbott2 almost 2 years ago
“I hear that beat, I jump outa my seatBut I can’t compete, ‘cause I’m aDancin’ fool (dancin’ fool)Dancin’ fool” – Frank Zappa
preacherman almost 2 years ago
As with smiling, laughter, too, is contagious.
Dkram almost 2 years ago
The dancing plague aka Saint Vitus dance was believed to have been caused by a fungus called Ergot. see “Dancing mania” Wikipedia.This fungus is thought to have had a lot to do with the happenings in Salem, Mass. as well.
\\//_
WCraft Premium Member almost 2 years ago
If only American scientists could isolate the virus that caused the dancing plague – we could send a couple of warheads full of the gas to Moscow!
I'm Sad almost 2 years ago
Is that the author/writer/cartoonist smiling in this panel?
mindjob almost 2 years ago
I thought elephants jumped up on stools whenever they saw mice
Stephen Gilberg almost 2 years ago
My pet theory is that the Music Meister was involved.
JoshHere almost 2 years ago
One of the dancers is twerking. Did it already exist in 1518? It makes sense for twerking to have originated in a plague