My father was fond of fig newtons, so of course all the kids liked ’em too. And he had a forestry degree from Yale, so he knew things! For instance, how the fig newton was invented. See there was a plant kind of like a venus fly trap that would snap shut on anything that fell onto it, known as the “newton bush”. The part that snapped shut was edible but not that tasty, being kind of dry and not sweet. Well, there was a Newton bush that began growing under a fig tree, and sure enough, the inevitable happened, just as an early human was hunting and gathering around the edge of the fig orchard and he saw the bush snap shut on that fig and so he picked it… and it was DELCIOUS. And eventually, bakers learned how to make something that was ALMOST as good as the naturally occurring Newton-fig, and they called it a “fig newton” to distinguish it from the dirty old natural kind. And THAT, my children, is where fig newtons come from.
Fig trees only bear fruit thanks to something called a fig wasp. The wasps are born inside the figs, and when the females hatch, they crawl out to find a new fig in which they can lay their own eggs. During this journey, they pick up pollen from the fig’s male flowers and carry this into their new fig-nest, pollinating the seeds inside.
But it’s a one-way trip; the females die after laying their eggs. And the males who hatch inside the fig are stuck there too—after mating with the young females and chivalrously chewing exit holes for them, they’re too tuckered out too leave (and they don’t have wings, anyway).
So yes, there are definitely dead bugs in figs. But the fig essentially digests the dead wasps as it ripens—ashes to ashes, dust to dust, fig to fig, you get the idea—so don’t worry, that crunchy texture in the center of a fig really IS just its seeds.
Besides, there are bugs in much of our food, especially anything dyed red. Might as well get used to it.
“Natural flavor” on food labeling does not denote a flavor found in nature; it means that the FDA had decided that it was derived in a natural fashion. Thus, if you buy vanilla ice cream and the ingredients list says “vanilla beans” you’re good. But if it says “natural flavors”, the “vanilla” taste is almost certainly from a compound that is also the active ingredient in lice shampoo.
Wait, what? You mean mixing ingredients together and baking them in an oven is SUPERnatural? Wow, I knew my mom’s cookies were good, but I didn’t know they were MIRACLES.
RAGs over 2 years ago
Also remember that both arsenic and hemlock are “100% natural” too.
Concretionist over 2 years ago
My father was fond of fig newtons, so of course all the kids liked ’em too. And he had a forestry degree from Yale, so he knew things! For instance, how the fig newton was invented. See there was a plant kind of like a venus fly trap that would snap shut on anything that fell onto it, known as the “newton bush”. The part that snapped shut was edible but not that tasty, being kind of dry and not sweet. Well, there was a Newton bush that began growing under a fig tree, and sure enough, the inevitable happened, just as an early human was hunting and gathering around the edge of the fig orchard and he saw the bush snap shut on that fig and so he picked it… and it was DELCIOUS. And eventually, bakers learned how to make something that was ALMOST as good as the naturally occurring Newton-fig, and they called it a “fig newton” to distinguish it from the dirty old natural kind. And THAT, my children, is where fig newtons come from.
trainnut1956 over 2 years ago
I also wonder about “organic” fruit. Never in my life have I ever seen mechanical fruit.
Ignatz Premium Member over 2 years ago
Everything in those cookies exists in nature.
sandpiper over 2 years ago
Gotta love when a bag advertises made with real strawberries. I have trouble picturing an artificial strawberry.
pony21 Premium Member over 2 years ago
From Smithsonian magazine:
Fig trees only bear fruit thanks to something called a fig wasp. The wasps are born inside the figs, and when the females hatch, they crawl out to find a new fig in which they can lay their own eggs. During this journey, they pick up pollen from the fig’s male flowers and carry this into their new fig-nest, pollinating the seeds inside.
But it’s a one-way trip; the females die after laying their eggs. And the males who hatch inside the fig are stuck there too—after mating with the young females and chivalrously chewing exit holes for them, they’re too tuckered out too leave (and they don’t have wings, anyway).
So yes, there are definitely dead bugs in figs. But the fig essentially digests the dead wasps as it ripens—ashes to ashes, dust to dust, fig to fig, you get the idea—so don’t worry, that crunchy texture in the center of a fig really IS just its seeds.
Besides, there are bugs in much of our food, especially anything dyed red. Might as well get used to it.
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/fresh-figs-and-bugs-66202233/#:~:text=So%20yes%2C%20there%20are%20definitely,really%20IS%20just%20its%20seeds.
Cozmik Cowboy over 2 years ago
“Natural flavor” on food labeling does not denote a flavor found in nature; it means that the FDA had decided that it was derived in a natural fashion. Thus, if you buy vanilla ice cream and the ingredients list says “vanilla beans” you’re good. But if it says “natural flavors”, the “vanilla” taste is almost certainly from a compound that is also the active ingredient in lice shampoo.
snowedin, now known as Missy's mom Premium Member over 2 years ago
I prefer apple Newtons.
Richard S Russell Premium Member over 2 years ago
I was a physics major, and I can assure you that, if it’s made of atoms, it’s natural. It’s all this ectoplasm stuff that weirds me out.
Lana M. over 2 years ago
The comments make this one worthwhile!
redpony2023 over 2 years ago
It’s snarkier, not more snarky. :)
Night-Gaunt49[Bozo is Boffo] over 2 years ago
You should check out that documentary on spaghetti vine plants.
edeloriea14 over 2 years ago
“Cookie orchard”? That’s where the Keebler elves must be. Lol.
DaBump Premium Member over 2 years ago
Wait, what? You mean mixing ingredients together and baking them in an oven is SUPERnatural? Wow, I knew my mom’s cookies were good, but I didn’t know they were MIRACLES.
Nick Danger over 2 years ago
Hey, if the BBC can find the spaghetti orchard…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVo_wkxH9dU