Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for January 13, 2022

Hey, Believers-or-Notters! I’m climbing down from the pressbox tonight to deliver a simple story about Life In The Burbs. As Rod Serling would have said, “Submitted for your approval…”

A man comes home from work, and his wife tells him, “The sink is stopped up.”

“Do I look like a plumber?” he asks her.

The next day, the man again arrives home; this time his wife says, “The lights in the basement aren’t working.”

His answer: “Do I look like an electrician?”

The next day, when the man gets home, he finds the sink draining properly and the lights in the basement on. “How did this stuff get fixed?” he asks his wife.

“Well, you know that broad-shouldered, handsome young man next door? He told me he’d fix both problems, and all I had to do was bake him a cake…or sleep with him.”

“Ha ha, that’s a good one!” the husband replies. “So what kind of cake to you make for him?”

“Do I look like a baker?”

Jason once came across an 11-in tadpool.

If that wheel of cheese is Limburger, then they can honestly say that the rest of his/her life will only get better.

When ya gotta go, ya gotta go….Everything else is ‘Irrelephant’

They’d pass the babies like you would a basketball?

How many times a day do they poop? 30 pounds is nothing if they do that twice in a lifetime :D The cheese thing sounds so fabricated…

Here’s a clean joke, for a change. I think it used to be dirty but it sat for so long that the dirt fell off of it.

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, ‘Father, my dog has died. Could ya’ be saying a mass for the poor creature?’

Father Patrick replied, ’I’m afraid not. We cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.’

Muldoon said, ’I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $10,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?’

Father Patrick exclaimed, ‘Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?’

Until next time.

And someone probably received a nice government grant to follow elephants around, picking up their poop to weigh it!

Believe it or not…

Our baby would sleep all day, but be awake all night. A Newfie, doing some brick work for us, said the kid needed to be turned around. Noticing my look of perplexment, he took the child, held him straight out, and turned him around 360° counter-clockwise and handed him back, telling us he’s now turned around.

My wife and I thought it was a bit of a joke, and smiled. But guess what — from that time on he slept through the nights…

Tadpole, pollywog, both cute. I vote for pollywog, though.

Take care, may grinning animal feces weight lister Francois “It’s A Stinky Job But Somebody’s Got To Do It” Plopord be with you, and gesundheit.

You’d think as long as circuses have been around, someone would have invented an elephant toilet

I have to wonder about the first guy who did the cheese/baby thing and how he came up with it.

Goliath’s legs are gonna provide a meal for three someday, I betcha! ;o]

I know cow manure is good for growing vegetables; horse manure is good for growing flowers; so, what’s elephant manure good for?

The caption about the new born babies is right next to the picture of the elephant’s butt. Reading the first few lines I was filled with horror until I scrolled further down.

I’ve often wondered just what Miss Piggy saw in Kermit.

Does the type of cheese wheel change? I pity the poor kids that go through a Limburger cheese wheel…

Shouldn’t that be for Gouda luck?

What’s with the fixation on pooping here lately?

And ruins that sweet smell of newborns I bet.

Elephants and poop. Surprised I haven’t seen any political takes on that one today.