Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for October 07, 2021

Happy October, Ripsters! It’s duck hunting season in much of the country, and, however you feel about hunting, I trust you’ll appreciate the following:

A duck hunter is out in the woods when he sees a likely-looking stream just across a fence that has a sign reading NO TRESSPASSING. Well, the hunter figures ducks can’t read, so he crosses the fence and almost immediately spots a fine mallard, which he brings down with one shot. As he goes to retrieve it, however, a farmer with a shotgun comes from behind a tree and announces, “This is MY property, and that’s MY duck.”

“But I’m the one who shot it,” says the hunter.

“All right; we’ll settle this country style,” the farmer replies. “We’ll have an old-fashioned ball-kicking contest: first I kick you in the balls, then you kick me in the balls, and we continue until one of us can’t go on. The winner keeps the duck.” The hunter agrees to this contest, and prepares to kick the farmer.

“It’s my land, so I go first,” the farmer corrects him. So the hunter stands, legs spread, eyes closed… BAM! The farmer’s foot hits him squarely where a man least wants to be kicked. He screams, doubles over, falls to the ground, loses his lunch, and lies there moaning for a good ten minutes.

Finally, he starts to move, and eventually he stands up on shaky legs, and says to the farmer, “OK; it’s my turn.”

The farmer says, “You can keep the duck.”

One time I traveled 50,001 miles.

One time I was 3,001 years old.

May the Lord be with you.

Let me guess. They know the mammoth traveled 50,000 miles because they found that it had some szechuan, then went to drink some Bordeaux and then headed back westward for sushi.

What would Russia do with clones of said warriors? Hopefully not make an attraction park based off off them and the attractions go awry.

How the heck do you figure out how far ANYTHING has traveled by performing chemical analysis on ANY part of it?!?

This new way to make Artificial Vanilla makes some folks long for the good old days when they made it from the Anal Glands of a Beaver. NOT!

Typical students, they need to find something useful to do with their time and their plastic waste.

So if this Mammoth became 50 years old, it walked 50000/50/365=2.7 miles/day? (It deserved a day off every 4 years.)

The average human walks about 75,000 miles in its lifetime: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/step-count-adult-lifetime-round-world-three-times-b573751.html

Now find a use for 6 billion pounds of vanilla flavoring.

Clone the warriors? Why not just use a digital printer?

Clone the nice ones.

Take care, may future Martian explorer gL*^frrr))ooOOzord be with you, and gesundheit.

Since when is Count Dooku the Russian defense minister?

Didn’t anyone ask those scientists in Edinburgh why we’d want Vanilla flavoring made from plastic trash? Sounds like more Teflon shenanigans to me.

If that prehistoric mammoth lived to be 17,000 y/o, then it’s easy to believe he traveled that far! ;o]

Which explains why all of Russia’s soldiers are named “Dollyavich”.

If “They” clone Scythian warriors and Woolly Mammoths the two could fight, or is that already a Hollywood movie?

…or that mammoth’s corpse along with the other land mammals that drowned floated for months until the flood waters dried up…were there any sea shells next to the bones?

About the plastic to vanilla: I wonder how long it will be before the discovery actually makes a difference in the plastic waste problem.

So, I know this will be really strange, but here’s a comment about today’s RBION: I believe that the Scythians were early Ukrainians, who, mostly, don’t like the Russians. Maybe, if they were clones, they’d help get the Russians out of Ukraine.

Humans who live into their 80s walk 50,000-60,000 miles.