Close to Home by John McPherson for July 19, 2020

I wouldn’t want to be on that plane.

Is that Dalcon I see on the armrest? Maybe that’s why all the babies are in distress. That nasty little alien.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

No problem, it’s only a 14 hour turbulent flight with 2 broken bathrooms and a continual fasten seatbelt sign.

I should have opted for a Zoom meeting.

Screaming Baby Airlines!!

I’m sorry, I would get up and find another flight……no sir, not gonna do it……nope

The Airline flight from hell.

Been there, done that. Thanks for the memory.

Well, Dalkin’s really not happy. And how the gorram hell did Bleeb get outside the airplane??

Sounds like a long flight on Air Force 1.

That’s exactly what we need, a special flight only for families with babies.

So how is it that they’re on EVERY flight?

I attest that no feeling measures up to the feeling you get when you are streaking through our friendly skies in a pressurized, germ-filled, rocket-powered aluminum tube, full of crying infants and whiny adults, except the feeling you get… when you are landing!

The center seat banker is visibly fretting while he awaits the results of his coronavirus test.

A cry for help will not be heard.

And you thought you had to die to go to hell.

Somehow they managed to get them all on one flight.

Almost as bad as sitting between 2 350 pound passengers!

On the way to The POCBA Conference?

I think I’ve been on one of those flights before.

…and he was lucky enough to get a middle seat. Who can forget the middle ages?

Whoa, wrong flight!

Steward – here’s a $100 bill. Bring the cocktail cart and park it right here!

Now he’s sorry he didn’t buy those earplugs before he left.

I never leave home without ’em.

I’d pay extra to be on a flight devoid of poor little kids who don’t understand why their ears hurt and their throat is a scratchy and dry.

That bald guy in the front looks like he could use a POCBA worker

It beats walking any day.