Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for October 31, 2019

An attempt to steal my genitals was made on a Tuesday while I was unpacking a box of moonroofs.

Why is that fingernail so unhappy?

One of those better off not knowing any better.

Although

Curiosity killed the bottle of vino.

Just the facts McMahon,

None of that drunken stupor.

You know, I’m Joe Friday,

Lift my trousers and see my fishnets, they are dragnets too!

Pssst..Don’t tell Frank my partner.

Dear Teresa

It was wholly a pleasure to hear from that nice Mr. 3hourtour yesterday.

To embigify his point, above, about big words, de gustibus non est disputandum* was one of Wm. F. Buckley, Jr.‘s faves!

Sincerely,

Rotifer’s Mother

* I frequently employ this maxim in defense of Cousin Glenola when she under-seasons the pickled quail eggs she dispenses at the Winslow Squirrel Jam.

That is the worst case of Koro I’ve ever diagnosed. You need to drink beer until you think your genitals are massive.

Illegitimi non carborundum.

How did Teresa know I had a bad night last night?

I’m quietly leaving by the back door.

Hmm… Quail eggs and grapes on toast with a side of black pudding… yummy!

The QuiqChef beeps to signal that the pizza is ready, and cooled to the proper temperature for immediate consumption. I’m foggy for a minute, but I’m clear as a bell pretty quick. Bob was right. Total sociopath. Glad Bob mentioned the frogs. That saved me a lot of orientation work at the beginning. There’s a whole lot of perspective and experience I didn’t have before. I can feel a block of ice where my heart should be, but it’s slowly melting. Not the worst hangover or withdrawal I’ve seen. This stuff has got some real merit. I’m seeing the world differently. I wonder if they’re hiring at New Neuro. Seems interesting.

Thank goodness I finally know where to redeem my wish ticket. The wishing well was full.

OMG. I looked up microwaved grapes and quail eggs and found this article. I’m going to go out and buy some grapes immediately. I have to test this!

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/d-brief/2019/02/18/grapes-microwave-physics-explode/

There comes a time when you can’t get the bottle clean and you have to start with a new one.

A bottle of drunk thoughts with a dash of insaneness.

My Latin teacher’s favorite proverb and example of the passive periphrastic.

Brown-eyed women and red grenadine,

The bottle was dusty but the liquor was clean.

Sound of the thunder with the rain pouring down,

And it looks like the old man’s getting on.

If your male genitals are shrinking and falling off may mean you are turning into a vampire! Or maybe a ghoul.

And not one of us heeded Sister’s headline advice!

Of course not. We are the Frog Applause addicts. We read all, twist and savor it, run it through the spin-dry a few times, invoke Crepitus and revered flatulist Le Pétomane, have a glass or bottle or two of wine (red, dry), and then, having done our proper froggish meditations, spit out our cacophonous comments, oft surreal, sometimes just cockeyed.

And pray that Sister will look down on them and us with favor and saving grace….