The Superbowl used to be played in January, then the NFL learned how to do playoffs like the NBA – insert a bunch of wildcards, divisional playoffs and such. Give it another decade and it will bump up against opening day for baseball.
American football. Twelve and a half minutes of action packed into 4 hours.
Team A scores touchdown – cut to commercial.
Team A kicks point after – cut to commercial.
Team A kicks off and it’s a touchback – cut to commercial.
Team B attempts pass – the ruling on the field is a completed pass – play is challenged – cut to commercials.
Ten minutes and a split Supreme Court decision later, the ruling on the field stands.
Meanwhile the play is shown over and over again.
Team B scores a touchdown – play is called back due to a holding penalty – cut to commercial.
Team B has an injured player – after showing gruesome footage of the player’s leg being bent into a pretzel-like configuration – cut to commercial.
Return to scene at the field. While awaiting the medical crew to scrape the injured player off the field with a spatula, commentators bring up obscure statistics about how the home team usually scores an average of 3.6 points in the last two minutes of play in games on Thursday night under a full moon when the temperature is above freezing.
The injured player is removed from the field and referees meet for four minutes to figure out where to spot the ball and how much time is left on the clock. Head referee spends another three minutes explaining the infield fly rule or whatever other justification was used to make the call.
Team B lines up to kick a field goal – calls time out to stop the clock – cut to commercial.
Team B lines up to kick a field goal – Team A calls a time out to “ice” the kicker – cut to commercial.
Field goal is kicked – cut to commercial
Kickoff is a touchback – cut to commercial
Two minute – warning – cut to commercial.
Two minutes and thirty-two seconds of playing time has elapsed, meanwhile the smoke alarm has been going off for 30 minutes as dinner is burning in the oven.
And that is how the exciting game of American Football is played.
I don’t live in New England (I have never lived in New England ) and I am rooting for the Pats to win another Super Bowl… there goes anther fine theory shot to heck with facts. I am from Mich and my Team of Choice is the Detroit Lions
For our family, we are sports free, meaning we do not watch any sports. For our internet provider we tried to have games removed she laughed at us saying sorry. I will either watch Hallmark or read a book. I do not know nor care what Sunday or channel. I had to look up. Please Hallmark no rerun. I have plenty of books. Church Sunday morning, then home no sports.
Would that cable and satellite services offered more than just one channel carrying the Super Bowl…wait, what?…we have choices?
I haven’t watched an NFL game all season and missed it less and less as time marched on. Between going to prep games on Fridays and watching small college games via Roku on Saturdays, I was “footballed out” by Sunday.
Adiraiju over 6 years ago
“…Beano…”
Templo S.U.D. over 6 years ago
perhaps Andy should go visit a friend who also isn’t into the Super Bowl
Kim Metzger Premium Member over 6 years ago
Andy, it won’t be long before you’re watching it for the commercials.
DanFlak over 6 years ago
The Superbowl used to be played in January, then the NFL learned how to do playoffs like the NBA – insert a bunch of wildcards, divisional playoffs and such. Give it another decade and it will bump up against opening day for baseball.
DanFlak over 6 years ago
American football. Twelve and a half minutes of action packed into 4 hours.
Team A scores touchdown – cut to commercial.
Team A kicks point after – cut to commercial.
Team A kicks off and it’s a touchback – cut to commercial.
Team B attempts pass – the ruling on the field is a completed pass – play is challenged – cut to commercials.
Ten minutes and a split Supreme Court decision later, the ruling on the field stands.
Meanwhile the play is shown over and over again.
Team B scores a touchdown – play is called back due to a holding penalty – cut to commercial.
Team B has an injured player – after showing gruesome footage of the player’s leg being bent into a pretzel-like configuration – cut to commercial.
Return to scene at the field. While awaiting the medical crew to scrape the injured player off the field with a spatula, commentators bring up obscure statistics about how the home team usually scores an average of 3.6 points in the last two minutes of play in games on Thursday night under a full moon when the temperature is above freezing.
The injured player is removed from the field and referees meet for four minutes to figure out where to spot the ball and how much time is left on the clock. Head referee spends another three minutes explaining the infield fly rule or whatever other justification was used to make the call.
Team B lines up to kick a field goal – calls time out to stop the clock – cut to commercial.
Team B lines up to kick a field goal – Team A calls a time out to “ice” the kicker – cut to commercial.
Field goal is kicked – cut to commercial
Kickoff is a touchback – cut to commercial
Two minute – warning – cut to commercial.
Two minutes and thirty-two seconds of playing time has elapsed, meanwhile the smoke alarm has been going off for 30 minutes as dinner is burning in the oven.
And that is how the exciting game of American Football is played.
mourdac Premium Member over 6 years ago
As long as the detested New England Patriots (for everyone outside of Massachusetts) aren’t in it, the game will be interesting
Tempest over 6 years ago
I don’t live in New England (I have never lived in New England ) and I am rooting for the Pats to win another Super Bowl… there goes anther fine theory shot to heck with facts. I am from Mich and my Team of Choice is the Detroit Lions
Wren Fahel over 6 years ago
Stupid Bowl Sunday is Movie Day in our house. (We live in New England and dread whenever the Patriots make it in; it makes it that much worse.)
kab buch over 6 years ago
For our family, we are sports free, meaning we do not watch any sports. For our internet provider we tried to have games removed she laughed at us saying sorry. I will either watch Hallmark or read a book. I do not know nor care what Sunday or channel. I had to look up. Please Hallmark no rerun. I have plenty of books. Church Sunday morning, then home no sports.
Guilty Bystander over 6 years ago
Would that cable and satellite services offered more than just one channel carrying the Super Bowl…wait, what?…we have choices?
I haven’t watched an NFL game all season and missed it less and less as time marched on. Between going to prep games on Fridays and watching small college games via Roku on Saturdays, I was “footballed out” by Sunday.