Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for December 22, 2016

If you can walk and chew gum, then please enter…

‘Cat Woman w/ Bat Wings’

Good thing we’re a fertility clinic.

They were actually a gift from a client. One may take their own guess as to whether the client was satisfied or outraged.

An 11th century Riot grrrl movement had originally protested the construction of those grotesque decorations..

Why, you did, sir. Don’t you remember the Holiday Party last year? I think Ms. Buxley said she wouldn’t need a raise if certain conditions were met.

When Dr. Altwin turned eighty-four, he was presented a colony ship, the Total Diaspora, for interstellar travel. He would be the ceremonial captain. It had three Innerspace cores, a shaped field and two MegaTon and one light-year shift capacity. His family would be among the first settlers of a new star system.

Local interplanetary trips had already proven the device and small unmanned scout ships had located many Earth-like extra-solar planets. A course was plotted, crossing paths with twelve planets, intending to settle one of them. Cheerios Land was the twelfth, and turned out to be the only one that could be easily settled.

Matter transmission used a COMmon Frame Of Reference Table for items being moved. Establish enough common points in a table of sixty-four essential background pattern criteria and exchange was possible. Complementary patterns cancelled and transposed, creating a condition of dyslexia in the universe itself. The exchange mechanism was a Joined Object Interface that exists as an artificial construct within inner space, connected to our space by the Innerspace core.

They realized that implementation of the Innerspace Drive was altering the G.L.A.D. in unintended ways, setting up tidal influences like the Moon and the sea, well into their interstellar trip. Innerspace communications with Earth abruptly ended. It was thought likely that the essential patterns of events on Earth had been altered enough to end modern technical civilization, or even all life, in near-Earth space.

It was probably Pussy Riot.

Along with ‘Back Alley Spider Men’.

Lunar Infantry Joe?

Nice tie.

And once again FA has taught me something. Something very odd.

Okay. Be honest. How many FA Regulars (like me) had to Google, Bing or Yahoo “sheela na gig” to figure out what the hell Teresa was talking about?

P.S. Wouldn’t “Google, Bing & Yahoo” be a good name for an early ‘60s Hanna-Barbera cartoon about anthropomorphic ninja squirrel disability case workers voiced by Rosie Perez (since this is Teresa’s strip the TDL proposes they be girl squirrels instead of boy squirrels).

I’m trying to wrap my mind around the Australian use of “sheela” in this context.

Foyer everlasting love, little Sheela is yours and mine.Yes commissioner, I’m all over it like 6 under 9.

The gigs up, lets split and peel out of here.

You boys can use your entrenching tools to fight over the last pancake.

I’ll show you my sheela na gig if you show me yours.

The background photo appears to have been taken in the 1950’s USN’s FASRON electronics shop @ Quonset Pt., RI

Or maybe a 1944 workshop in Los Alamos…

But it offers a good fertility spell for you dried-up Old Farts!

(And you don’t have to look if it embarrasses you to do so….)