Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 03, 2015

It’s all a SCAM!

This is why I’ve never believed in psychics. It should be pretty obvious to everyone that they’re frauds.

Maybe she’s already wealthy. She doesn’t defraud people because she has to; it’s a hobby.

Forget about the stock market, let’s go to the race track!

Why didn’t she know ahead of time what Rat was going to say?

So that’s what they mean by “the point of no return”?

@ Sherlock Watson: Yep, a true psychic would call YOU!

IOW: A headline you’ll never see: PSYCHIC WINS LOTTERY

There’s psychics and then there’s frauds. I’d guess 99% of all psychics are actually frauds. The other 1% don’t advertise their services, don’t charge for their services, and don’t offer their services (accept maybe to the police and even then it’s not very likely). The thing that always gets me with most psychics and mediums is not the psychics and mediums but the fact that most people are too stupid to see their fishing. Look at the way they ask their questions, you’re supplying them with the knowledge they have, not some spirits.

“I’m seeing someone who was very close to you. Their name starts with an H, or it could be an I on it’s side”“Uncle Henry!”“Yes, Yes, that’s it. Henry. He looks to be walking what looks like the size of a pony.”“Oh my god, Unlce Henry always walked his Great Dane!”“Yes, he’s walking his dog Butch, Spike, Sparky, er Spot.”“Spot! Oh my god, you really do see him!”

Yeah, hokey. But come on, with most psychics you’re feeding them all the info and you’re totally amazed when they regurgitate it.

I don’t know about that psychic, but I can see the future. I’m going to work in the morning, because I will need the paycheck.Damn.

Actually not so much “asked not to return”, but told that she’s taking his advice and closing up shop.

wow…i did not foresee that coming…..rat was RIGHT…

I hate it when Rat makes sense…

PICTO predicts….

We are all going to get older and die.

Thank you, please send cash. NO STAMPS.

I knew you were going to say that…

We’re all aware of the Amazing Randi, aren’t we?There are no “real” psychics. They would have been found by now.No psychic ever successfully helped in any police case. There may be some that got a lucky shot in the dark (“look near water”) but you only ever hear the one success, not the 99 failures.

Never been to a psychic, so I can’t honestly say what kind of “fishing” questions they ask. But two thoughts: Even if they WERE legitimate, the lottery standard is absurd. Psychic does not mean you know everything that is going to happen regarding everything. However, again, even if they were legitimate, I would not go to one. There is nothing I could learn from one that would make my life more meaningful.

There was a psychic in Raleigh that went out of business. I couldn’t help but ask my wife, “Wonder if they saw that coming?”

I see in my crystal ball that you read PBS this morning.

Rather laconic Roma psychic (if she isn’t faking the identity too). But she finally told Rat off. Most play it safe, for legal purposes, by advertising that their service is for entertainment only, regardless of what gullible customers might believe….

Rat forgot about the day after tomorrow.

Never wanted to consult a psychic.I’d rather let the future unfold on its own…

Took a night class in Tarot Card reading for a lark. Was spooked out by how many in class thought it and other psychic stuff is real.

Maybe she can only see OTHER peoples future, not her own.

My wife went to see a psychic, whom could not answer a simple question. She paid with her debit card, and told the psychic she could divine the number and pin.

Please don’t confuse psychics with the Bible. The Bible condemns them as frauds. The Bible has predicted the future with unerring and specific accuracy. Won’t say that for the Book of Mormon.

Abraham Lincoln came back from a psychic beaming, “She said I am going to be president for life!”

America’s Got Talent currently has he lamest “mentalist” ever. I’m not surprised he’s astounding the judges, given the intellects up there, but he’s lame. For example, having the judges guess the number of gumballs in a jar, then revealing “the correct number,” except that the number is “revealed” on what is obviously one of the old toys where you can write on the surface and erase by lifting the clear cover. You can even see when he writes the number through the back of the envelope. Then he supposedly recorded a video of what happens much earlier. But when he plays it back, it just says that Mel-B was off by two. And of course the number he wrote is two off her guess. Lame. Lame. Lame.

“if everybody had esp, wouldn’t everything be okcause we could see trouble coming, & we could get out of the wayif the grim reaper came to call, we could arrange to be out of townit would be the great escapeand you could put it all on videotape”steve goodman

She probably makes more telling fortunes and hooking people in to one session after another than she could make on the stock market.

She asked you not to return because she took you up on your idea, made a fortune and now is drinking margaritas on her own tropical island. While you Rat are just bitchin’

My horoscope is Sagittarius and it’s never correct about me.xxx

She’s a gyp, see?

And avoid situations where you might get harmed.

It’s easier in the long run just to live a good, peaceful, virtuous life and not worry so much about the future.

Ya mean they’re NOT real?

Slight spelling error on that sign. It should read – Have your “future” tolled.

I am glad to see a good show of skepticism in this thread. I feel a little better about the future.

Now let’s try to elect a congress to reflect that.

Billboard: “Psychic workshop – you know when, you know where”..When the newspaper fired the psychic, the notice read, “But you knew that, didn’t you?”

Psychics don’t win the lottery for the same reason that faith healers don’t work in hospitals.

“If you can predict the future,why haven’t you won the lottery?” “I’m a spiritual person. Material possessions mean nothing to me.” “Good,cause I dinged your Lexus” “YOU WHAT?!”

Now that’s what I would do if I could see the future

so true