Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 17, 2015

Just wait until he rewrites Jack and Jill.

I’d like to hear his version of Georgie Porgie.

Rat has a point. Why do we read such poems to our children then expect them to behave better?

altho it occurs to me Rat is saying they eat like his roomie

Nursery Rhymes are really quite gross, when you think about it….

The nursery rhyme never states that they were eating in a restaurant, though.

Mary had a little lamb and it was always gruntin’.She hitched it to a five-bar post and kicked its little runt in.—Monty Python

Mary had a little lamb, and some mashed potatoes with it.

Rat does make a point…

Looks like Rat has three eyes.

Forgot the antibacterial dish soap for Hal. Product placement rules the day.

For Snoopy-fan,“Little Jack Horny, told jokes that were corny…”

Please Rat. Do Little Miss Muffett.

…Jill came down with half a crown, – but it wasn’t for carrying water!

there was an old lady who lived in a shoeshe had so many children she didn’t know what to dobut then one day while vegging on ‘hoarder’she suddenly knew send them ’cross the border

(now watch the comments fly) ‘giggle’no? darn

Now we have Rat taking things literally instead of Pig.

Little Miss Muffetsat on a tuffeteating her curdsand why?

Hilarious! I want more of these!

Yeah, they should eat like rodents.

When I was young, I wanted killer weed. Now that I’m much (much) older, I want weed killer.

“Both of you I’ll beat.” – Scans better ’toon boy!

And this, ladies and gentleman is Rat thinking he’s hilarious.Actually, It was pretty hilarious.

xxx

Rat would appreciate this one from the late 19th century: .Mary had a little lambIt’s fleece was as white as snowThen when she saw it sickenShe sent it to PackingtownAnd now it’s labeled chicken.

I thought that was “With cockle shells, and silver bells, and one goddamn eggplant…” I could be wrong.

Just the image of the two of them licking they’re plates really sells this strip.

Rat’s new and improved second verse is worse, for it does not scan at all, but lamely limps along.And, Rat lives with Pig, so he should know better how pigs eat. They are very clean animals (cleaner than your average rat)!

Jack and Jill went up the hillto fetch a pail of waterJack fell downand broke his crownnow Jill’s being held for manslaughter

Hey, didn’t Rat “rewrite” nursery rhymes around a year ago?

JANE LIKES DICK!