Off the Mark by Mark Parisi for May 17, 2021

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    Vilyehm  4 months ago

    Quick, run home and change all the lox.

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    Liverlips McCracken Premium Member 4 months ago

    “The good news is that many people find you delicious.”

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    Gent  4 months ago

    That’s because he fell down and everything on the ground stuck to him.

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    Jeddo  4 months ago

    Why not be more optimistic: “You have nothing missing.”

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    loridobson Premium Member 4 months ago

    AND you have bad breath!

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    Caught Sleeping  4 months ago

    You should go home and get toasted.

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    Ubintold  4 months ago

    I bagel to differ. Nothing a little cream cheese can’t fix.

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    Zebrastripes  4 months ago

    The sprinkle salon said they covered everything….

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    Kaputnik  4 months ago

    I like onion bagels, garlic bagels, salt bagels, and plain bagels. A sesame seed bagel is okay, and a poppyseed bagel is better than no bagel. But an “everything bagel” is overkill.

    It’s still better than a bagel that thinks it’s a muffin, though. Put your raisins, blueberries, and cinnamon somewhere else, please.

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    33Angel  4 months ago

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Great way to start the morning!

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    redback  4 months ago

    ewww.. that thing looks as if it fell and rolled under something that has not been clean for some years

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    rhpii  4 months ago

    I recommend a cream cheese salve.

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    RonnieAThompson Premium Member 4 months ago

    A bagel a day keeps nothing away.

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    Digital Frog  4 months ago

    Not much we can do. If we cut you open, you’re toast

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    Lightpainter  4 months ago

    Get rid of the caraway seeds.

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    StephenRice  4 months ago

    Drat! His birthday’s coming up, and now what can I get him?

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    spaced man spliff Premium Member 4 months ago

    You can’t keep us Jews in jail ’cuz we eat lox.

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    Shikamoo  4 months ago

    The everything bagel. Isn’t there a vaccination for that?

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    6th Billiard Ball Student  4 months ago

    To quote ‘Higglety, pigglety, pop’ : Once Jennie had everything.

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    Edwin Hardy Premium Member 4 months ago

    Doctor: You have everything.

    Bagel: You mean I have pneumonia?

    Doctor: Yes.

    Bagel: Juvenile diabetes?

    Doctor: Yes.

    Bagel: Hysterical pregnancy?

    Doctor: Uh, a little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered — in you.

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