You can still have the same flying experience your grandpa did. Just go first class. Of course, it costs a lot more. But when people get nostalgic about air travel decades ago, they never bring up that it used to cost vastly more than it does now. Average Americans couldn’t afford to fly. It was so expensive that rich people were called the Jet Set because they could actually afford to fly on a jet.
The three stages of parental panic: Please be OK. Thank God you’re OK. Now I’m going to murder you.
It’s unfair that horses don’t get medals at the Olympics. Just the riders. Without the horses, the events are just some guys running around in a paddock.
And shark attacks are now “shark encounters.”
Turns out his name is Bob so he’s never successfully invaded anywhere.
“Sourcing the fuel has so far been… challenging. By the way, what blood type are you?”
Up you go with a height and ho
To the stars beyond the blue
There’s a Never Land waiting for you
Where all your happy dreams come true
Every dream that you dream will come true
When there’s a smile in your heart
There’s no better time to start
Think of all the joy you’ll find
When you leave the world behind
And bid your cares goodbye
You can fly! You can fly! You can fly!
#2: Freedom is only freedom, but a good cigar is a smoke.
Just tell everyone they’re having a hog-calling contest.
Revenge is a dish best served cold