Herman by Jim Unger for March 29, 2023

He could run a millionth of a marathon.

A financial donor? To pay the bills? That would be fine.

Doctor: I have good news and bad news. Patient: Give me the good news. Doctor: you have 24 hours to live. Patient: That’s the good news? What’s the bad news? Doctor: I should have told you yesterday.

A doctor once gave me 6 months to live. I told him it would take me that long just to afford to pay him. He gave me 6 more months.

“The so-so news is that it was Methuselah’s kid brother. Wanna chance it?”

Beggers can’t be choosers.

I thought organ donations only came from accident victims. The fact that this guy was getting out of the house enough to have an accident puts him ahead of most 104-year-olds, health-wise.

it’s like all the"junk" in my house – the older it is – though still in excellent cosmetic shape and good working order – the harder it is to give away.

If he and the organ lasted that long, it should be good.

Not too many miles left in a 104 year old part. Except for the fun of getting the parts out, there is not much resale value in them.

This guy needs a liver, and the 104-year-old could only provide liver spots.

Bad when parts that old are better than what they will replace.

Good the donor was kind enough to donate.

One time I was 105 years old.

But there’s more good news, we can get you an extended warranty on the parts.

It’s not the years, it’s the mileage.