Clay Jones for September 14, 2022

The Q-publican health care plan.

“And if I become pregnant, it alerts every local church and courthouse.”

That’s a horrible reality. Were I female, fertile, living in one of those states and unable/unwilling to leave… I would absolutely not be putting any of my personal information on any device that had even the slightest connection to the internet. And I’d probably write my diary in code. For “current temperature” I’d probably mention the book I’m reading. And for the value, I’d probably use a number that represents tenths of degrees difference from my base temperature. With the sign changed. As “quality stars” about this chapter in the book.

The Apple Watch Series 8 has an innovative new sensor that tracks your temperature while you sleep, so you can see changes over time. It looks like a phallus (naughty).

Keep a wary eye on anything the GQP introduces as an abortion bill; it is very likely nothing more than a poison pill, designed to enhearten, then disenfranchise DEMs, when the same people who introduce or initially support it, kill it.

The watch also listens to every word you say that might offend the “patriots” of this great nation, and reports your location and activities to your male owner.

It serves you right for that Garden of Eden apple incident! /s

Wait for the reactions when chips are implanted in newborns….

This would be the only thing it contains

Privacy is a freedom in peril.

To achieve parity for both sexes, I think we should either “Ban Vasectomies Now” or “Require Vasectomies Now” (whichever would be most intrusive). /s

This morning’s paper has a story that Lindsey Graham is pushing a national law to prohibit abortions after a certain number of weeks.

So much for “letting the states decide”.

Great! Nothing wrong with understanding your body, knowing when you ovulating so you can either have protected sex or no sex to avoid becoming pregnant. Therefore eliminating the need for unplanned children or an abortion. Quit being lazy about learning how your body works, embrace the technology for giving you an easier way be in control without pills or shots.

Just set the timer for a birth control pill reminder.

“What exactly is this democracy that Joe Biden speaks of. Why won’t he define it, ever? And how exactly is that democracy imperiled?…Who is the threat? Well of course it’s…anyone who questions the legitimacy of the last election.”— Fox host Tucker Carlson

I’m shocked that the Qlephant doesn’t have its eyes and trunk trained on her uterus.