Free Range by Bill Whitehead for March 26, 2022

“Verbalacide”, it’s another one for the books.

I’ve heard of laughing yourself to death!!!

A serial conversationalist.

I have friends like this. If I see them in the grocery store but they don’t see me, I’m headed down another isle. If they see me, I won’t be ignorant, I’ll chat for a bit. When I go shopping, all I want to do is get my stuff, pay for it and leave.

She must be a politician.

Jinkies! She put on lotsa weights did not she.

Sticks and stones may break ones bones, but Velma’s words …

But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

My late Mother-in-law needed to be talking all the time, even when she had nothing to say.

Used to work with a guy, he said his sister would still be talking 3 days after they put her in a coffin.

My wife has a friend that can talk you to oblivion. When they visited us for a week I asked her if she ever takes a breath. I tried to say something once and my wife said I was rude to try to talk while she was talking. I told her it was only way I could get a thought in.

People aren’t that friendly around here! I hate shopping so therefore I use Instacart! No muss, no fuss!

In the name of gender equality I present, my brother. At a recent family gathering he could be found having a monologue with anyone he could corner.

The red hats go down easy when faced with the truth.

I’ll bet she talks that woman’s ear off.

“Why don’t ya kiss her instead of talkin her to death”

Mom was like that. In her final years when she was depended on a walker she would say “the only thing that still works is my mouth.”

That sounds like my wife. Get what you need and get out!

So is she murderous or clueless?

Social distancing was made for this!