Close to Home by John McPherson for June 12, 2021

No Bleeb, it is not a goal, unless of course your goal is to see that guy get eaten by the crocodile / alligator whatever.

Hey golfer dude, don’t you think an iron would be more effective than a wood for this shot?

Maybe you can reach the green if you run fast enough and he doesn’t catch you. He’s looking mighty hungry.

Looks more like a wiffleball than a golf ball… remember what happened to Chubbs Peterson in Happy Gilmore!

Bleeb walks on water.

Now, that is one happy reptile!

Just aim for where the ’gator is GONNA be!

Ali-DARE!

This might be a good time to take a penalty stroke (rather than trying to hit it where it lies).

FORE!

One just walked into a post office in FL. Got to the head of the line, no problem!

You just can’t reason with a reptile- take a drop, on the other side of the fairway.

I think that Bleeb is warning the golfer to stay back and not to try it.

I have an alligator rule. If my ball is within 50 feet of a alligator, that ball belongs to said gator, and I get a free drop at least 50 feet from the alligator and no closer to the hole.

Bleeb will be an appetizer for that gator!

That fancy-shmancy golf ball washer looks just like an alligator! That must be one o’them highfalutin’, exclusive country club and golf courses… I’m not sure I could afford to hunt golfs there!

This is another one of those situations I put in the category of “Let the Wookie win.”

I love the smile on the gator’s face.

You’re closer to the Green Green Grass Of Home.

Change golf courses!

I sense another Florida Man story in the news.

The penalty for a ball drop is less than the penalty for trying to hit it where it lies in this case.

You can’t outrun the gator, so don’t try. Take the penalty and move on slowly…..

The jaws of a dilemma. That penalty stroke could cost me the game.

Surely nothing bad would come from this right?

Play it where it lays…

Have your caddy grab that pussy willow in the water, tickle the gators nose with it and when he opens his mouth to sneeze, hit the ball with a soft five iron. Oh yeah, then run like hell.

In this situation, I believe that I would just take the penalty.

According to the song, “The Battle of New Orleans” , you should be able to apply gun powder to the alligator’s tail area, then when you fire it up, it will cause the ball to shoot forward. The ‘gator will of course lose it’s mind…Oh, and yell fore in case there are any Brits near-by.

And you may end up with a few extra “tees”… depending on how hard and quickly you swing.

I’m rather doubtful that “play it where it lies” applies here.

The golfer should go for it. That way, when the gator comes after the golfer, Bleeb, who is currently cut off, will be able to escape.

Bleeb: Take the Penality Stroke!