For Better or For Worse by Lynn Johnston for March 26, 2021

So in which province do Mr. and Mrs. Richards live if not Ontario like Elly’s family? John’s parents and siblings live in — last I recall — Manitoba.

After my mother-in-law passed away, we tried to get my father-in-law to come live with us. He refused, but instead, he sold his house and bought a small house two miles from ours. We were able to be available whenever he needed us, but most of the time, he was helping us with our young boys. He lived long enough to see his grandsons finish school and move on to their own lives. We all still miss him.

In old days, aging parents lived with their children. Multi-generational household when most women didn’t work outside the home and were available to take care of them. I’ve heard stories how these women came to resent their roles as caretakers of elderly parents, some of which went on for years. My mother-in-law took care of her elderly mother from age of 74 following the death of her father until she died at 95. In the earlier years, she was capable of caring for herself and driving for brief trips to the grocery store, and visiting friends. Over the years, she gradually lost her independence and was more dependent on her daughter and eventually, it was a full-time bed-bound care. My MIL took the steps to be admitted into a long-term care facility when the time comes for her. She doesn’t want anyone to experience what she experienced with her mother. She resented her mother when she felt she was supposed to cherish the last moments with her. When her mother died, she felt so free – and guilty.

Be careful of the promises you make, Elly. If Grandpa Jim does move to Ontario, he is going to expect you to be a part of his life and not ignored.

We don’t need a comic about this. We get our daily dose of geriatric forgetfulness in the Oval Office.

My parents would not live with me for the same reason: not wanting to clutter or complicate my already cluttered and complicated life (I travel extensively thru the warmer months) but I commuted daily toward their ends. I felt, at the time, that at that point in their lives, they needed to be with their long term friends, doctours and church. I have no regrets.

Tough decision. It’s wicked hard to leave the familiar people and places of decades to move to a new and unknown place, just to be with 5 or 6 people who you are familiar with. I did it. …some regrets, but here I am.

Sweet!

My wife and I have been in our house for over 20 years. I ain’t leaving.

My parents sold their big house and moved closer to me in an independent house in an assisted living facility. No home maintenance any more. People on-call 24/7 (besides me) for emergencies. The downside was moving away from friends they had for many years but they were able to make new ones.

Of course, that’s all Elly does with her children is interfere.

Both my grandmother and my mother cherished their independence and kept their own houses after their spouses had died.

I love my daughter and my step-sons but I sure as hell would want to live with any of ’em!

One of my step-sons and his family lived with us for several years, but as much as we loved having them, – especially the grandkids – we were delighted ( as were they ) when they got a place of their own. We really enjoy the entire family over for dinner or celebrations but really enjoy our own privacy, as well.

That’s cute! And I forgot Elly has a brother because Lynn Johnston doesn’t draw him often. Only special times. But I remember years ago when my daughter asked me to move down South where she lives now because she said that when I get much older, she could take care of me. I was very touched by that! But I told her that I have a few things I plan on getting into so when I do finally come, I’m going to be making a lot of noise! She laughed!

Ellie is great. So there – all you commentators who dissed her in the past. What a wonderful comment.

Well most people didn’t live as long as they do now and the period of care only lasted five or maybe six years. My mother and her family took care of both their grandmothers in their final years.

I had my mom move in with me about 2 years after my father passed – she was then 74 – she lived with me until she passed at 89. During the first few years, she was able to drive herself around, walk both her dog and mine and go shopping whenever she wanted. As she got older, she was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and the chemo wore her down. She also broke her hip about a year before she passed. I never resented caring for her, she – however – resented that she could no longer care for herself and had to depend on me. I’m almost 74 now and I wonder what will happen with my boys when I’m no longer able to care for myself. I don’t ever want to go into a nursing home.

It is not enough to be the “Elly-coptur” parent. Now she has a proven a control freak over other people in the family.

Moved my 88 year old mother in law in with me. She was very active and independent until covid and California with the restrictions basically locked up all the old people in there homes. Brought her to Texas where she can be around her daughter, grandkids and great grandchildren. It’s like she is ten years younger than she was in California. I feel sorry for the elderly that had to stay.