Tom Toles for March 22, 2020

They suffer from BS: Blatant Sucking-up.

Their pandemic hypocrisy is not much different than their hypocrisies.

Finding ways to make a profit off most anything when their “stable genius” prophet leads the way.

I keep waiting for the hordes of libertarian purists to show up in these comment sections to admonish us once again how the solution to every problem is the unfettered free-enterprise system, as best exemplified by tax cuts, deregulation, and getting government off our backs. If only they’d thot of that back in the mid-1300s, Europeans could’ve skipped merrily right past all that nasty Black Death stuff.

Aw, heck! I ain’t worried! I got my AR-15 and a thousand rounds of ammo. That’s protection! Ain’t nobody gonna take MY TP! Jest let ‘em try! An if my good buddy Mr. Tяцmp☠ sends me another $1,000, boy howdy that’s another AR-15 with another thousand rounds! Sweet!

An if thet don’t fix the probelm, well then my good buddy the PяesiDuиce shur as heck will! Mr. Tяцmp☠ knows more an anyone. He’s my PяesiDuиce an I believe. Lordy, I believe!

If it weren’t for that “nasty” media the Rump would’ve been able to save the day and single handley stop the contagion.

—) —) BREAKING NEWS. Dr. Heinrich Applebaum, Jr. of the Seedy Seer medical group has assembled the following indications to the presence of the Bologna-virus, hereafter designated “Trumpvid-45.” Spreading quickly from its original White House vector, it seems in rapid mutation to be affecting both U.S. political parties in a major pandynamometric panjandrum:

Persistent pain or pressure in the chest: The result of violent rending of robes and consequent breast beating.

Bluish lips or face: Due to a perverse urge by any beautifully red Republican to cooperate with a blue Democrat. A form of miscegenation.

Dizziness: Reaction to the sudden swing from elation after the defeat of Senate conviction to despair at the present viral pandemic.

Nausea: Caused by obsession and worry about how much the 2020 elections will now be affected.

Diarrhea: From aerosol contact with E. coli in Trump’s medically unnerving incorrect update comments.

Extreme Fatigue: Due to constant listening to Trump deny responsibility (at all).

Blurred Vision: Stems from watching the stock market numbers so rapidly fluctuate up and down.

Ringing in the Ears: Caused by increasing atmospheric pressure for 401(k) holders as the stock market quickly falls. Also caused by constant calls from scared constituents.

Shivering: Reflex to fright every time Trump opens his mouth to speak.

Paranoia: Extreme aggravation whenever hearing two politicians spout nonsense opinions.

Depression: Description of Putin’s likely depth of interference in the upcoming 2020 elections.

Tom, you left out several symptoms. Head up the you-know-where, ignoring abundant press reports of an initial contagion loose in China in November 2019 and subsequent warnings from your own intelligence services in January 2020. Delusions that you know more than trained medical personnel. the virus isn’t as bad as the flu, and it will quickly burn itself out.

And how’s that donkey doing?

Today’s cartoon is spot on.. well done Tom.

Such terrible reporting, Tom Toles! You should be ashamed of yourself for pointing out the screamingly obvious. :-)

ABSOLUTELY 100% DEAD-ON ACCURATE!!

AND, BY THE WAY… The president hasn’t ruled out using federal bailout funds to keep The Trump Organization afloat amid the ongoing crisis.

“I just don’t know what the government assistance would be for what I have," he told reporters at his daily press briefing today.

“Everybody knew I had hotels when I got elected. They knew I was a successful person when I got elected, so it’s one of those things.”

The Trump organization operates more than a dozen golf clubs, as well as five-star hotels in Chicago, Hawaii, Las Vegas, New York, Vancouver, Washington, Ireland, and Scotland.

That poor, ailing elephant needs to be put out of its misery and have its feet made into a set of umbrella stands. I notice it already lacks piano keys … errrr, I mean teeth….

Republicans justified Trump by his wonderful effect on the Market.

Now that the Market is below where Obama left it, are Republicans going to keep Trump in power until the Market is where W left it?

After all, racist Trump just wanted to destroy everything Obama ever created.

The GOP has sold its soul and bankrupted itself; and they still haven’t reached bottom.

“‘My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: / Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!’ / Nothing beside remains. Round the decay / Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare / The lone and level sands stretch far away.” Ozymandias. Percy Bysshe Shelley (1817).

Mr. Toles, when you fly in an airplane with a Republican pilot, do you hope the plane will crash? That’s your attitude toward our/your President. Sir, I do not claim to be a proctologist, but I can still recognize you as an asshole.

Message to future alien historians. Some of us really did tried.

WASHINGTON (AP) — Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul says he has tested positive for COVID-19, the disease caused by coronavirus. The Republican is the first member of the Senate to report testing positive.

He said in a tweet Sunday that he is feeling fine and is in quarantine.

Paul, a doctor, said he has not had symptoms and was tested out of an abundance of caution due to his extensive travel and events. Paul said he was not aware of any direct contact with any infected person.

Two House members, Reps. Mario Diaz Balart of Florida of Ben McAdams of Utah, have tested positive.

The Senate was in session Sunday seeking a bipartisan response to the pandemic.

Well, Sen Paul can now show us how it’s done.

@yellerdog46 – Nobody wants the crash, but only an idiot would ignore the fact that the crash IS happening and who is rightly to blame for it.

Put him down at the ballot box.

Republicans wanted to destroy Americans faith in their government,

they succeeded beyond their wildest dreams.

Lobbyist Grover Norquist is a well-known proponent of the strategy and has famously said, “My goal is to cut government in half in twenty-five years, to get it down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub.”

Starve the beast – Wikipedia

I been watching Trump White House press conference and the tremendous job he doing to fight the Coronavirus. I had never realized that this had never happen before until he repeat it hundred.