Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 07, 2018

Hate to bust Pig’s euphoria but he’s really not that fat.

Sounds like Garfield would also do

So now Pig has a goal in life!

Damn. I achieved it decades ago and didn’t realize it !!

Hey, those self-help books really work!

I stay on the edge of drunk. Never really drunk. I just have enough to embolden me to make comments on PBS…..

I think I’ll join in your celebration, Pig.

At one point in life, we had a very dopey, lazy dog who did nothing but sleep and eat (and poop). He couldn’t learn much of anything, so we would wait until he fell asleep and say “lie down. Gooood boy!”

I love the way every thing good “has to be written down” eg “make a list” etc. Just do it!

I actually find this kind of inspirational.

“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” …Dean Wormer

That’s always been the way to happiness – set your expectations low enough that they are already met.

Ever notice how the despots of the world like to write everything down. Never write anything down. If you don’t write it down there’s no evidence.

Achieving my dreams always involves having enough money to pay someone to do my lawn.

This one goes straight to the bathroom mirror.

Be bacon.

Realistic dreams are the keys to lots of stuff.

Is skinny and lazy okay? That’s all I’ve got.

That’s the secret – keep it simple.

I have taken to answering the “How are you?” with “I’m old and fat and bald, how are YOU?” Generally gets a chuckle.

Now, where did you find my book of achievements, Pastis?

the pig is wise and found the meaning of life by playing Fortnite

If you want to be happy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh9ZZgDqzAg

Why do people always assume that fat and lazy go hand in hand? There are many overweight people who are hard working and have very successful careers. They may not be physically fit since their jobs don’t require a high level of physical activity, but I wouldn’t call them lazy. My brother recently retired from an office job where he was tied to a desk 40 or more hours a week, and is now in his best physical shape in over 20 years, primarily because he now has more time for physical activity.

All I can say is: It works for me!

“The stuff that dreams are made of.” Daschiell Hammett, The Maltese Falcon (from Shakespeare’s The Tempest, “We are such stuff as dreams are made on; and our little life is rounded with a sleep.”)

Yo, Pig! Look at me! I’m joining in your celebration! Life is too short to mope around….

the pig is awesomeit should be weed though

I’m not fat nor lazy, so but there are many more things to celebrate about.

The phrase “Make your dreams a reality” is problematic and an extension of America’s positive thinking. By definition, a dream is an idealistic goal. Reality cuts dream to size.