Frazz by Jef Mallett for September 15, 2011

Mrs. Olsen is every third driver in the St. Louis metropolitan area.

Show of hands – how many have had near misses with someone who was DWTI? (Driving while technologically impaired.) Or maybe that should be Driving while impaired technologically, DWIT looks more like dimwit. Anyway, I’m raising both hands and wiggling my fingers.

I drive defensively because others drive offensively….

I was going to school at Great Lakes, and on my way thru Chi. I’m alone on at least an 8 lane freeway. Some moron gets on and almost hits me. I’m 6 lanes over.

That was our experience in Chicago, too. I think I left permanent fingernail marks in my armrest. And they’re the honkinest bunch of drivers! Even the public bus driver honked at us!

I once saw a woman on the Southeast freeway in DC going below the speed limit, weaving from side to side in rush hour traffic with a phone clamped between her right shoulder and ear, left hand on the wheel holding a sandwich, using her right hand to break off pieces to eat while talking.

I696 – North of Detroit – I have been going 85 in heavy traffic and it is passing me on both sides – Mrs Olson would be run over. My little 4 cylinder GMC truck won’t go faster.

@Wandel I find it hard to believe that one could ever be alone on an 8 lane highway in the Chicago area! My experiences are it’s always crowded, everywhere and yes, everyone honks at you!

Next thing you know she’ll be texting while she drives.

There’s a crowded neighborhood in New Smyrna FL where the posted limit is 45. I’ve always been surprised it’s that high, and I never feel comfortable going faster than 40 through there.

Drive like the other guy is an idiot.

My home province just enacted a Distracted Driving law at the beginning of September. Hand Free phones only, no eating at the wheel, grooming etc. The first day one person was pulled over for eating a bowl of noodles while driving.

Or how about the lady I saw who was breastfeeding a baby while putting on mascara and driving? I want a tank or . . . maybe Airwolf.

Sounds like the misses … except she’s doing 70 instead of 40. And yes, rural, city, or freeway. No idea what a stop sign is for. She wonders why I’m gripping the side handles when I ride with her. Being a doc she talks her way out of every ticket. Well, at least she’s not a boozer.

We’ve got the super slow, super fast, super young & reckless, super drunk, super loaded on crack – all this 24/7 – and it’s nothing but 100 square miles of freeways!! Southern California driving is NOT for the inexperienced or faint-of-heart.

Priorities, priorities!

I’m surprised no one mentioned the loop around Houston… if your not driving 85, they just shoot ya from their pickups.

I second this amendment and vote for the amended motion. Nation wide. Every state…and province.

WAY late post (snerk) but, Northside of Milwaukee is horrendous! Almost home the other day, and saw a woman talking on cell while holding what looked like a file on the steering wheel and writing on it! Thanks goodness the kids and I were getting off the road. There were plenty of places to pull off for a minute while you make your notes, lady!

There’s a community movement here, complete with picketers, for a stronger traffic police presence. Considering the number of times I’ve been about to proceed on green, just to have some idiot run the red light at full speed from the right (once or twice left), I’m gonna be out with my own picket as soon as the kids are back in school!

In Dave Barry’s book “Best. State. Ever.”, he relates a story of a woman involved in an accident because she was shaving her “bikini area” while driving. Even better, her ex-husband was steering while she worked the pedals. Presumably it was an automatic shift.