Drabble by Kevin Fagan for March 28, 2023

That’s just guilt you’re feeling Ralph.

Just like Progressive insurance, you want the dscount? You have to put their app on your phone and it HAS to be on at all times! They track you even if you go to the bathroom. I called and she said you lose the discount if you don’t. I just quit them!

That proves you have an eating Ralph…

good grief is she your wife or your mother Ralph? The only time I’d consider tracking my husband’s phone is in an emergency and he can both go wherever he wants and eat whatever he likes. He’s a grown man and I respect his right to autonomy as he does mine

When people tell me they have an app for my phone, I bring in my original wall phone, ring crank and all then I tell them to have at it; but I have not been able to reach the operator in some time even when it is plugged in.

My wife told me the other day that if I go get a donut, fine, but don’t tell her about it, she is starting her diet, don’t bring her a donut, although she appreciates it when I do. Later that night I just had to ask her about the corn chips she was eating.

Looks like you’re not having the peace that you want, Ralph!

Maybe you’re feeling something else, Ralph.

Those ghost vibrations are a bear, aren’t they?

Ralph should go to a strip club or dive bar. That should shut her up about him going to a donut shop.

I bet the donut shop gets a lot of customer that way.

Look at all these cars parked at the gym, but nobody’s here. Hmmmm