Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for December 11, 2022

Would a Jewish U of Maine student/alumnus want to play golf with lobster-made balls? I’m not being anti-Semitic, just being curious.

Let me guess. The University of Maine research grant was funded by Tiger Woods.

I passed by a roadside stand that said “lobster tails: $2”.

So I stopped, paid my $2 and the man said,

“Once upon a time, there was a lobster…”

Enjoy the New Improved Version of a tired old Christmas song, sung merrily to the tune of Jingle Bells

“Sonorous Reverberating Tintinnabulation” (Jingle Bells)

By Flynn White

Penetrating through innumerable feathery crystalized hexagonal exothermic condensation, resulted from a net negative standard enthalpy change, (Dashing through the snow)

Propelled expeditiously by an unaccompanied equine mammal laden borne-along light vehicle with runners conveyance, exposed and vulnerable (On a one horse open sleigh)

Surpassing the expansive landholding environs traversing multitudinously (O’re the fields we go)

And comprehensive protracted continuous induction of cachinnation. (Laughing all the way)

Collective metallurgical resounding tintinnabulation on inordinately barbered quadruped ungulate equine mammal reverberations (Bells on bobtails ring)

Spawning temperament lambency intensification (Making spirits rise)

What obstreperous exuberance to conveying with haste and cantillation a borne-along conveyance distinctive melodic metrical ensemble, post crepuscule. (What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight)

Chorus:

Oh, Sonorous reverberating tintinnabulation, Sonorous reverberating tintinnabulation, extended and interminable sonorous reverberating tintinnabulation, hey! (Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, hey!)

Oh, simultaneously expressing bewilderment and amazement, what pleasurable enchantment prevails to perambulate in a borne-along light vehicle conveyance with runners laded individual quadruped ungulate mammal (from genus family Equidae), vulnerable and exposed, hey! (Oh, what fun it is to ride and sing in a one horse open sleigh, hey!)(Repeat Chorus)Merry Christmas!

About that tick factoid—-somebody has lost his marbles. I’ve been bitten by a tick when camping out, and they never got anywhere near that big. They start out way too small. We’re not talking about Count Dracula here.

I don’t want to “tick” ya off, guys, but as an arachnid a tick should have 8 legs

Where do ticks celebrate and show their blood-bacchanal? On TickTok?

A 10-year-old girl asked her mother, “Mudda, Where did I come from?”.The mother smiled and replied, “Once upon a time, me and your daddy decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Dad put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. Afta a while the seed started to grow more and more. Lovely leaves started to sprout and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it, and got so high that we forgot to use a condom” .“And that is where you come from”…. Birdman out.

One more:- Patrick O’Shea called his lawyer and asked, “Is it true they are suin’ dem der cigarette companies for causin’ people to get cancer?”“Yes, Patrick, sure is true,” responded the lawyer.“And now someone is suin’ dem fast food restaurants for makin’ dem fat an’ cloggin’ their arteries with all dem der burgers an’ fries, is that true?”“Sure is, Patrick.”“And that a lady sued McDonald’s for millions when she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered?”“Yep.” “And that a football player sued that university when he graduated and still couldn’t read?”“That’s right,” said the lawyer.” But why are you asking?”“Well, I was tinkin’……What I want to know is, can I sue Guinness for all dem ugly women dey made me sleep with?"…. Birdman out.

Due to my osteoarthritis, I’ve come to rely on Doordash and Grubhub more and more for some of my meals, and Instacart for my groceries.

Well someone else must be using my allotment for take out or dine in. Why pay someone to be disappointed. I can cook anything you would order. And I know EXACTLY what’s in it.

About ticks

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, “Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.”

The blind man replies, “If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus, so shut the heII up.”

Truth be told, the tic, the tac, and the toe all often grow to marble size.. and (drum roll) BEYOND!

Take care, may exaggerating but likeable aspiring preacher (soon to be) Reverend Benardo “Tithe Like My Life Oops I Mean Your Life Depends On It Plus So I Can Get More Hair Spray And Stuff” Puntero del Dedord be with you, and gesundheit.

Lobster Balls are really delicious, but it takes a lot of them to make a meal.

Only $3k on restaurant/carry out food? Amateurs!

Sigh, my hair is never going to be brown again :-) .

It’s a miracle I didn’t start going grey in the 5th grade considering all the stress I was under then.

$3000 a year isn’t much, and I live in a poor country that’s heavily taxed.

It’s an essential industry, and that’s where most of our spending money should go, not to iPhones and brand clothing made for pennies in sweatshops.

Support your local eateries, people.

I read an “ask the doctor” letter in the paper and a senior writer said she and her husband started taking a vitamin and noticed their natural pre-gray hair color started to return. I cannot remember the name of the vitamin. If this were true, why hasn’t this vitamin been mass-marketed as a hair-color restorer?

I started going gray at 20 yrs. old. Now I’m 76 and all my hair (what’s left of it) is gray. I guess I’m totally stressed out!

Hopefully, Maine will be lobstering for ever more. Golf balls, food, pets, …..

Y’all are on FIRE today! Funniest day I’ve seen in a long while.