Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for August 11, 2022

SOMEone has to start it, right? And while Halloween candy is not yet out, and with me being always in tune with the season, I present tonight a Christmas fable:

Okay, it’s AUGUST!! Time for camping and vacationing and a lot of ings. I happened across this old chestnut about a time very different for this time of year (and what the hey – Christmas is December 25th no matter where it’s celebrated). And with that, I present the following:

Santa had been having a bad, bad day. He was way behind in toymaking; his elves were on strike, and two reindeer had hoof-in-mouth disease. Mrs. Claus had washed his best red suit in hot water, and it had shrunk. Even worse, he had just discovered his sleigh had a loose skid. As he bent over to examine it, he stubbed his toe and started hopping around on one foot in great pain.

Just then, a cheery little angel flew up with the tree. “Merry Christmas, Santa!” the angel beamed. “I brought you your Christmas tree. Where do you want me to put it?”

…and that, Gentle Readers, is how the tradition of the angel atop the tree was started.

One time I won Monopoly in five turns.

Chinston Wurchill One time I had $12,001.

Being licked in the feet by a goat wouldn’t be nearly as bad as being licked in the face.

May the Lord be with you as He is with me.

Half a cigar from a British politician for £9,848 and 28p sounds ridiculous. If whole, would it have been sold for £19,694 and 89p?

I can win Monopoly in one move. Just fob the bank!

Monopoly in four turns: https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2010/06/how_to_win_monopoly_in_21_seco.html

Monopoly is fun but it has some really old stuff that isn’t valid anymore.

There’s free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

One more.

Just a little update on the situation with my son because some of you have been fairly concerned.

He has taken going to jail pretty hard. He is refusing all food, spitting and screaming at everyone and is threatening violence at anyone who comes near him. He has smeared the walls with his own excrement and is refusing to wear any clothes.

As a family we are united in our decision not to play Monopoly with him ever again.

Until next time.

And if you use the thimble your reputation will take a hit.

Take care, may moonshine quaffing conestoga driver Augusto “Pay No Attention To The Woman Behind The Curtain” Reyesord be with you, and gesundheit.

I know Winston Churchill. Who’s that guy?

A friend of mine placed second in a Winston Churchill look alike contest. He was very, very good, but alas.

No cigar.

Charles Blondin was a famous acrobat from France who specialized in walking across Niagara Falls on a tightropeand finding different ways to do it each time.

One time he carried a man piggyback the whole way.The eager volunteer wasn’t so eager by halfway through.Rumor has it he spent the rest of his life in a sanitarium.

For $12,000.00 it should have been one of Winston’s unlit cigars…

Who smoked the other half?

I’m not buying it, prove it.

It wasn’t the tickling that was the torture, it was getting your skin scraped off by repeated licking by a goat.

Well, if you were to land on Park Place your third turn, then Boardwalk your fourth turn, used your remaining money to build hotels on both, then your one opponent landed on Boardwalk with a $2000 rent, that could bankrupt your opponent making you the winner.

Some fool with a lot of money and no brains puts a wad of dough for the butt of a cigar — must’ve been hard up for a smoke! ;-p

That looks NOTHING like Winston Churchill!