Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for June 23, 2022

Now let’s see the monkey give birth to a baby that has markings resembling a Green Lantern symbol.

May the Lord be with you.

I think Ripley’s may have a mistype today, bees pollinate 90 crops. Really, only 90, in all of the USA. And those 90 crops are worth $15 Billion, must be poppy fields / opium crops. Maybe it should read 90,000 crops? Or maybe 90 types of crops?

The honeybee reminded me of another little Johnny tale.

Little Johnny kills a honeybee while playing in the backyard.

When his father notices him killing the honeybee, he becomes enraged and exclaims, “No honey for you for a month!”

Johnny’s father discovers him ripping the wings off a butterfly later that day.

“That is all. You won’t be able to have any butter for a month! "His father says.

A cockroach runs across the kitchen floor later that evening while Johnny’s mother prepares dinner.

She leaps and stomps on it, then raises her eyes to see Little Johnny and her husband staring at her.

“Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?” Little Johnny asks his father...Smiling…

Now and then I mix in a true story, as my life has often been filled with jokes, intentional or otherwise:

I got out of school around the time horn bands were making a big incursion. Being a trombonist, I got work, but they always put the horn players out front – often in front of the speakers. The sound was tremendous; I always wore earplugs.

One night I forgot to bring ear protection, and, not wanting to go deaf, I thought what I could do. Seeing a guy smoking filter-tip cigarettes (for your whippersnappers’ information, public and even indoor smoking was common in the 60s and 70s) I asked him if I could bum a couple of cigarettes from him, thinking I could break off the filter tips and use them to save my hearing. [NOTE: at this point in our history cigarettes sold for around 45 cents per pack, so I was asking for less than a nickel’s worth.] “Two?” he asked. “You must really be having a nicotine fit.”

“Actually, I don’t smoke,” I replied.

“Then what are you planning on doing with them?”

“I’m going to stick them in my ears.”

Rolling his eyes, he handed me two filter-tip cigarettes. “Ask a silly question,” he said…

And this is why we need to protect the bee no more bees no more humans.

Too bad we are killing off the bees

“Batmonkey! Batmonkey! Batmonkey! Batmonkey! Batmonkey! Na na na na na na na na na! Batmonkey!”

To help the bees, don’t use weed killer, especially in the early Spring. They need early pollinating weeds like Dandelions coming out of Winter, and weed killers can be deadly to them.

A new world wide law is issued for all the sailors in the world: they need to go and get all the children they conceived outside their marriage.

Stan, a sailor from San Francisco, came out to his wife and told her that besides the three children they had together, he has three more around the world and that he needs to go get them. His wife, although mad, understands that a sailor is a sailor and mistakes happen and decides to support Stan and raise all 6 children.

Stan leaves and gets back in a couple of weeks with his children from around the world.

He finds his wife sitting alone in the dining room. “Where are the kids?” he asks. “Call them to come meet their new brothers”.

I’m sorry, Stan. Three sailors came and took them.

Is there another joke to follow? Stay tuned.

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break, about being out late the night before. The first man signed, “My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble.”

The second deaf man signed back, “You’re lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late.” The first deaf man asked, " So what did you do?"

“I turned out the light,” the second man signed.

Until next time.

how did the deaf and blind snakes find each other and the cave?

I hope they called the monkey “Bruce.”

Indiana Jones was probably in that snake cave.

I have a Blue Merle Great Dane, and as such, his skin is a patchwork of pink skin and black skin. When he was a puppy, his nose was both pink and black and he had a bat shaped patch on the tip of his nose. So very cute! As he grew, the bat faded away and his nose became all black. Skin and fur patterns can change from infancy to adulthood, and that monkeys bat mustache may not last.

Batman schtupped a bat? I’m not judging

Unfortunately there is no cave for hanging snakes in Washington, D.C.

Take care, may flitting bee Zzzuuzz “Honey I’m Home” Buzzord be with you, and gesundheit.

That means the average bee contributes more to gdp than the average American.