Matt Wuerker for March 17, 2020

Amen to America ingenuity….

Only 130 proof? Heck, you can get rum that is 151 proof!

Now if you really want to sanitize, use 190 proof Everclear. Of course, you should put some additives like glycerol to make it less harsh. And stay away from open flames….

They could sell a lot more of those MAGA hats, if they’d throw in a roll of toilet paper with every hat.

The CDC is saying to use a minimum of 60% (120 proof) alcohol, up to effectively pure (95% is about as high as you can get: Alcohol likes to suck up some water from the air). Our nearest distillery is passing out trial-pack sized bottles of 60% plus some hydrogen peroxide and a dab of glycerol. Free.

You have to be clear on the proper use of Corncobs.

There are two buckets full. One with Brown corncobs, one with White corncobs.

First, you use a Brown one, then you use a White one to see if you need another Brown one.

As I was growing up we used corncobs (the preferred wipe – very soft) or a page or two from the Sears & Roebuck catalog – my grandmother "rhapsodized about the older catalogs and their softer, absorbent paper, but by my time Sears was using ‘slick’ paper which made ‘cleaning’ problematical.

Of course the average Trump voter (depicted) probably doesn’t care except that corncobs filled the outhouse “holes” up faster which meant you had to dig another hole and move the outhouse which was a lot of work to go to just to take a “dump”.

The really neat thing about the old outhouse was that grandmother allowed me to spread (under supervision, of course) the “quick-lime” at the end of the day – kids get “off” on the darndest things.

In an emergency, leaves can suffice. May I advise Trump voters to use HOLLY leaves?

Gotta get that up to 140 proof minimum for antiseptic use.

You can use it as an alternative fuel source, too.