Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for February 11, 2010

” You don’t need to turn the power off for this”.

“There’s no need to insure the car is parked on a flat level surface.”

“It’s not a fast car” “I’m a good driver” Now they might believe I am sick”

HOME AT LAST

if he can just turn over.

I know what I’m doing

Hey, y’all, watch this!

“do as I say, not as I do.”

your choice:

RTFM or RIP

“Only girly-men use manuals.” Govinater style!

“How hard can it be?”

maybe instructions for the instructions…. “Tiger”

the person who will make $$$$ will be the one that invites both sexes to ACTUALLy Read, and make readable, directions.

Heeeey, that looks pretty easy, lemme try.

look honey, it says right on the package its a waterproof extension cord.

…of coarse I made sure the safety is on!

dude take a whiff of this…

just going for a quick ride so I don’t need a helmet.

gee, it doesn’t look sharp.

you worry too much, its perfectly safe!

well that’s the way they did it on tv, you never saw the coyote die did you.

are you sure your husband is away?

stop worrying! what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

Great, Wiley! I’ve seen many other good ones in that place; now readers have provided some good ones for the future…

That’s why Ikea only uses pictures!

What does this do?

BlackKnight15: “Now they might believe I am sick””

Actual epitaph on a tomb in the main cemetery in Key West, FL.

I’ll take this screw out and I bet the whole gun will dissasemble

I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.

LordDogmoreGenius_badge said, about 8 hours ago

“There’s no need to insure the car is parked on a flat level surface.”

What’s freaky is just before I looked at today’s strip I had a fleeting image of fingers being smashed because a jack slipped that was holding a car up. I better not get a flat today.

… So far, so good …

I told the doctors I was sick.

“Yes, i turned off the breaker first…”

What’s so difficult about an “ON” button—?

Manuel Smanual lives next door..

Of course the gun isn’t loaded.

“They were out of the brand-name stuff, so I bought the generic…”

I don’t think they’re poisonous.

Seriously, i didn’t know she was your wife…

“Only one way to find out.”

Today’s strip is featured on The Family Plot Blog: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die. I think this person was in that category. http://thefamilyplot.wordpress.com/

“what’s this button do?”

Don’t worry, I’ve done this a thousand times.

What can it hurt to vote Republican?

“Don’t nag, I know what I’m doing…”

If I’m lying, may I be struck by lightni

“Of course the gun is unloaded…see what happens when I pull…”

not being the religious sort, but maybe the manual is the bible.

@Gigantor: Top Gear?

“Looks secure.”

“Death before dishonor ………….(shots firing)

“Death before defeat!” (Motto of a third-world Guard unit)

“Gee, they got the order wrong.” (observation of a Marine)

“Hold my beer and watch this”

I believe this was the instruction sheet on the last Barbie House I put together at 3 AM Christmas morning. I think I started in 1989. Any Christmas now…

I drank whAT?

(Last words of Socrates…)

Concrete blocks will hold up anything

I never can figure out the manuals anyway. Have you seen how thick the ones are for just a lousy cell phone? That’s one reason why I don’t have one. I can’t even figure out how to make a call on my wife’s. I’m not a Luddite, but technology has caught up with me, passed in a blur, and vanished over the horizon.

Actual last words of

Claudel, Paul (1868-1955) “Doctor, do you think it could have been the sausage?”

“Hey y’all, Watch This!” “Step on it, boy, we can beat that train.” “Gimme a match so I can see. I think the gas tank’s empty.” “It’s not the pants.” “Four-eyes Horowitz? Your my neurosurgeon? No hard feelings after 8th grade, right?”

Hold on a sec while I unclog this snowblower…

I saw that other guy do it so I’m sure I can too!

Slight variation - Last words heard before dying:

There’s this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then this bully steps up next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.

The bully says: “Oh, come on man! I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I can’t stand to see a man crying.”

The troubled fellow replies, “This day is the worst of my life. First I get fired for oversleeping and getting to work late. Then I’m leaving the building and find out my car was stolen. I get a cab to return home, and forget my wallet and credit cards in the cab. Then I find my wife in bed with the gardener. So I end up at this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

“There’s a really nice view if you just lean over this ledge–”

Said by a Union General to his men:

“They can’t hit an elephant from this dist-”

“Yeah, Obama’s health-care reform is a good idea!”

“Do you hear a siren?”

Lets hope for change

“No, I don’t need you to steady the ladder.” “Yeah, the rope will hold my weight.” “It’s as easy as falling off a log.” “Honey, we don’t need to call a repairman. Just let me get my tools.” “Yes, the truck is in neutral!”