Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for February 20, 2014

You forgot to smile and be condescending.

Don’t forget the cold stethoscope and the sloppy handwriting.

No, Rat, I will not turn my head and cough….Maybe for the nurse……I had a woman doctor for a number of years..5 ft. 2, eyes of blue, cute as a bub’s ear…. When it came time for the prostate exam, she would invite in another woman…Evidently that’s protocol…Not exactly a three way, but it could be worse, I guess……

BUG’S ear!…I don’t even want to THINK about Bub’s ear…….Eeeeewww…..

Why does Goat have a paper gown on when he never wears clothing to begin with?

Forgot to add “lose weight, eat healthy and exercise more”. You could be dying and the doc will say this.

The Physician’s Mantra:I’m going to send you for some tests. (Ka-Ching!)I want you to fill these prescriptions when you leave. (Ka-Ching!)I want to see you back here next week. (Ka-Ching!)

Looks like some pretty perceptive comments — kinda’ sums up the current state of medical care in this nation. Especially from FlyerTom.

Practicing “defensive medicine” means ordering every possible test, whether it’s meaningful or not, just to defend against any possible lawsuit.

I stay healthy — by avoiding doctors!

These days you need a laptop so you can look at porn and blog while “treating” patients….

she told me to drop my pants, which I did, and she passed out.

Goat’s expression in panel one is great!

Prescribing you medicine when it has bad interactions with all the other medication you take, even though it’s right there on your chart. Then you get to go to the pharmacy and the pharmacist says, “you really shouldn’t take this with the other medications you take.” Also good at trying to give you opioid pain medication and you have to inform the doctor that they were the ones telling you not to use those types of pain medications with my other medications, in the first place.

Gotta say Rat’s got the shtick down, but I would have run out screaming as soon as he walked in!

yeah, the profit motive works real well in American health care, doesn’t it.

Doctors don’t get paid for writing prescriptions.

In addition to all the other fine standard medical protocols that have been mentioned, don’t forget to address the patient as “Paris” (i.e., by his first name) while implicitly insisting that you be addressed as “Doctor Rat.” And be sure to prescribe the more expensive brand-name drugs rather than generics!

So Pastis starts this medical thread on the same day I’m having a colonoscopy. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Also, at the end of the appointment, Rat will tell Goat he has no idea what’s wrong with him and will send him somewhere else for more tests.

Also, at the end of the appointment, Rat will tell Goat he has no idea what’s wrong with him and will send him somewhere else for more tests.

If Rat had to take some blood from Goat… Would he use a needle or just bite him?

xxx

Don’t forget to flash your Rolex the size of Big Ben several times.

Rat certainly sounds like all the doctors I’ve met lately.

More like an hour and 15 minutes wait my last visit.

My last appointment was completed and I was on my way to lunch with my husband 15 minutes before the scheduled appointment time. It pays to arrive early. Also, he always prescribes the generic, if there is one. He’s young and good looking, too. I wonder why my husband always wants to go in with me? Oh yeah, I know…he just wants to be sure he knows what’s going on because I have several health issues, that’s it.

Rat should have his own reality show since he’s so egotistical.