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Richard's Poor Almanac

By Richard Thompson
4,266
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Dec 23, 2013
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"santa will be available at secure locations for gift consultation with those children who clear our stringent screening process."
elf 1: we'll need a urine sample & a statement verifying your niceness signed by a parent or guardian.
elf 2: please step between the magic candy canes.
santa land
santa's workshop
santa: ho ho ho.

defrost concluded by expressing confidence that "santa is on track to make this the merriest christmas in recent memory."
media: i have a question for santa. it's really hard-hitting.
elf: santa is feeding his reindeer and is unavailable for comment thank you for your time.

many bystanders were reportedly over-come by feelings of joy & longing.
kid 1: i want that thing i saw on tv!
kid 2: just bring me a movie tie-in.
kid 3: and nothing educational. you hear me?
do not cross do

others weren't so sure.
guy: those damn elves towed my car!
Dec 30, 2013
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