Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for September 30, 2012

CARD! CARD!!!!!

Yes, Antonio — please.

The Godfather is suing you for defaming Italians. Expect a soccer ref’s head in your sheets tomorrow.

And no, Rat — “Penalty kick” does NOT mean that you get to kick him in retaliation!

Rough sport. all those missing teeth, crashing into the boards and slamming the net and the octopus on the ice, sorry, that’s hockey, the North American REAL sport patterned after the sissy game.

Actually, it’s Spanish soccer players that dive the most.

He’s a bit chubby for a pro soccer player.

Rat deserves it, so go for it.

Son of a gun

Here is Antonio’s chance to act as the agent for Karma.

I have a distant (very distant!) relative (same uncommon last name) who is a noted pro soccer player. Nonetheless, it is not my favorite sport. Run, run, run, (flop), run, run, (flop), GOALLLLLLLL, run, run. 90 minutes. Score, 1-nil. Boring!

One of my most satisfying moments of reffing came as I bestowed a second yellow (red) for taking a dive to a high school player “writhing in agony” on the ground. He immediately jumped up and started screaming at me. Took me several moments to compose myself before restarting the game.

I take it that Toon Boy is not a fan of soccer.

The Italian soccer player can fix that leg. They fix a lot.

No Antonio, you can’t “breaka” his leg for real. But you can “breaka” his head. Break it enough that he can’t speak or think for a month.

Football ;)

LOL LOL!

Looks like you have another enemy, Rat.

xxx

Better yet- maybe Rat needs a kick in the oompa-loompas.

While you’re here Antonio, call your Papa…we commentators will take 20 large pizza’s, various toppings (anchovies on the side for the wackos), some breadsticks, and don’t forget the marinara, please! Do you have that 30 minutes or less guarantee?

After the first two panels I thought it would be the player to flop, not Rat. Youa know what I mean.

I gave them the same chance, and ate the whole piece of pizza to be polite…declined another.

Sing along with Sherlock: “What’sa matta you? Ay! Gotta no respect?”

The only use I have for tinned anchovies in in bagna calda, an odd pasta dressing made of melted butter, chopped anchovies, huge amounts of fresh garlic and grated cheese. Sounds gross, but over spaghetti or capellini (having dressed the hot pasta with a beaten egg) and with a nice dry vino rosso, hard to beat.

i feed rats to my snake

Hockey is turning this way, mostly because refs have gotten to think if someone is injured there must be someone committing a penalty to cause it. So now some players fake it, because the refs don’t call diving anymore.

Alexikakos, I’m assuming it was whoever finally put poison (or worse) in his coffee.

Saw an NFL lineman flop in the Baltimore-Cleveland game Thursday night. A lousy time for Baltimore’s LB to do anything that could be remotely construed to be a foul; but a really obvious flop by the Cleveland OT. Fooled the real refs, though: it drew a flag.

Football (American) is the only true sport. Everything else is just ping pong.

Cesc????

Stupid Italians :P

If he gets a penalty card for breaking a leg, he should be able to break it for real—double penalty, you know.

I’ve never seen a professional soccer player with a sagging gut like the one this guy has. o_O