Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for August 18, 2012

Ship potty break

Noah patience.

Powdering her nose.Exclusive to one male and one female of each…..What a sexist, racist, bigoted homophobe.

My dog (miniature dachshund no less) insists on his mile and a half every day; water wings?

According to “Bill Cosby” wasn’t the ark 40 cubits x40 cubits( BILL COSBY is a very funny fellow RIGHT )

Snark

There were no dachshunds on the ark. Dachshunds have been bred in only the last 500 years or so.

@GoldenRoya (1st post)

Thanks for the truth about the unicorn story. Why can’t we ever get the straight scoop the first time around?

Seriously, did he have to bring the mosquitoes? What was his motivation?….And don’t get me goin’ ’bout fleas! Please! He could have always told God “Oops!”

@GoldenRoya

If the story is remembered correctly by me, Noah was alone on the ark with all the critters.No Mrs. Noah or crew.In considering the question of the copious amounts of poo,let’s also consider this:Having to scoop the poo from where it was depositedthen having to scoop it up with a shovel, walk to the side of the ark and toss it overboard, sometimes twice a day for each critter, Noah became a strong contender for future WWF matches.Hulk Hogan, don’t even entertain thoughts that you’re gonna get a body slam in on this guy!Also, good thing there was plenty of water around to deposit said poo into, and no lawns around for angry neighbors to raise hell about depositing poo on their property.

Come on, If He wants it done right, why doesn’t he do it himself? What a lazy Supreme Being! We could do better!

God is such a creep….

@GoldenRoya

Next riddle:Where was all the chow for the critters stored on the ark?Noah only had so much space to work with. Where were the cupboards? Also, how was Noah to cater to the dietary whims of each species? Some like hay, some like other critters.Keeping peace while at sea and catering to each critter’s tastes had to be a nightmare. Once again, Noah was one tough dude. Wrestlers, approach at you own risk.

@Varnes

Am mad as hell at God for his inconsideration, for this very reason.

@Varnes

Hope God has a sense of humor with regard to our posts.Don’t like my accommodations overly warm.

@Noah

On behalf of all dog lovers everywhere, have a little patience, will you? Scents are very important to dogs.

@Noah

Consider yourself lucky that tree wasn’t a fire hydrant.Those are even more intriguing to dogs than trees.

@Dogsniff

Considering your username , believe your word to be golden in regard to this.

@GoldenRoya.

Yes, believe you’re right. Seems the truth of existence is a combo of creation and evolution to get to where things stand.

@Varnes

With regard to God’s sense of humor.Don’t relish the thought of overly warm digs where the only thing on the menu is tofu.

@Varnes

Hansel und Gretel last Sunday got their own taste of hell in advance. Hope that the tofu controversy created there by the unsanitised version of the story hasn’t ignited anotherrow today.

@GodenRoya

…..creation and evolution ….Believe God was necessary for not only creating Creation , but for creating evolution as well, so everything might grow closer to Him (or Her).Not good with the Bible, but love the beauty of the spiritual lessons to be learned therein.Thanks for the correction of the idea of Noah having no human companionship.

@Dog

Lift your leg on Noah for his damned impatience!

I’d be surprised if anyone in our church did NOT assume evolution to be fact. We sort of look at it like this: God is the “who” and “why”. Science is the “how” (and the “wow”).

Just strap the dog to the roof and be done with it.

@GoldenRoya

At the risk of creating further trouble, must relate the idea of a very wise man, Edgar Cayce, with regard to the Bible.He said that some parts are to be taken very literally (spiritual lessons, and God),and others (what seem to be tall tales) metaphorically.

@cdward

We’re talking about Noah here, not some presidential wannabe. However, good solution to the problem.Am also upset over the fact that with Noah having so much else to be concerned with, Mrs. Noah and others don’ tshare the dogwalking duties.

No I hadn’t, but I went back and read it. So? It’s your opinion, we’re all entitled. My opinion is that the bible is a classic comic book (check out R. Crumb’s illustrated bible) and that while science hasn’t given us all the answers to what constitutes our reality, religion has given us none; zilch, zero. It’s all just fantasy, wishful thinking, hallucinations, myths, and made up stories from primitive, ignorant people who lived thousands of years ago. As a child it’s forced upon us as reality and we question it only at the risk of rejection, loss of parental love and approval, and being shunned and ridiculed. Most people internalize it and it becomes them and they come to imagine they thought it through and it makes sense. The greatest harm of our current religions is that they demand that people not think for themselves or exercise critical, rational thought. Martin Luther said it best: “if you want to believe, then tear the eyes out of your reason! Reason is the greatest enemy of faith.”

@cdward

Just realised that presidential politics has been mixed with religion with last post, a recipe for disaster. Apologise for what may ensue.

let the dog out, let the dog in.let the dog outlet the dog in.let the dog out,let the dog in.let the dog out…

@Notsoastute

You caught me here. Had inadvertently injected another issue into the already volatile religion/science/politics mix.Apologise for this.Terrific input on the Blood, Sweat and Tears lyrics.Great stuff.

@GoldenRoya

(to masterskrain)Great post. Thanks from all who share your views,me included.

@Wiley

You’ve done it again.Had wondered earlier this week where you would be headed come Judgment Day, for strips like today’s,out of concern for you.Fear that you are headed for a very warm climate with tofu for all eternity.

It’s good to know that the time in the ark wasn’t all about shoveling poo, etc. They had time to be creative and inventive, thus the UMBRELLA!

@kpduty

Thanks for this observation.Time on the ark well spent.It stimulated innovation!You shouldn’t have been wasted on KP duty, you should have been in command.

Wouldn’t it be smarter to walk both dogs at the same time?

All you people and your comments take the fun right out of what is a cute comic that just brings a chuckle.

Noah …… who?

I think it converts to 440 feet by 73 feet, or 1.5 football fields. Two of all the animals on Earth in 1.5 football fields, and people actually believe this?

All I know about religion I learned from Cecil B. DeMille.

Noah had a hard job!

I am not even going to get into all the biblical brouhaha. I did, however, feel a bit like our Noah in today’s cartoon, earlier this morning. ( 5:30AM) I got up to walk the dog, not realizing there was a lull between a storm I’d obviously slept through. Halfway through the walk, it occurred to me that this was perhaps a bad idea.Unlike Noah, I had no umbrella and my dog, who usually, detests getting wet, decided to take his sweet time as the heavens began to open up.Get the picture ?

But then again, Americans always have been rather noted for their inventions; and their ability to tell tall tales>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Let’s not forget Blessed Bill of the Pecos and Saint Johnny of the Appleseed.

Noah to his wife:

“You know, God says we’re supposed to have two of everything? I want you to meet Teresa.”

dang. Beat me to it.

“How long can you tread water?”

Some of the discussion today is reminding me of the old movie I just finished watching “Inherit the Wind” (based on the Scopes Monkey trials).

I thought the hardest part was telling the rabbits “Two, just TWO!”

Interestingly, that might be the most useful viewpoint from a societal perspective. A PLoS ONE article entitled Divergent Effects of Beliefs in Heaven and Hell on National Crime Rates

suggests a belief in hell negatively affects national crime rates, while a belief in heaven positively affects national crime rates. In simpler terms, belief in hell reduces crime, while belief in heaven increases crime.

Maybe the dog is looking for a fire hydrant.

My dog was insisting on his walk again. We got half a block, and it started raining (first time in months, and we’re having forest fires), he promptly turned around and said, “Let’s go home!” Maybe I need to start building a boat?

St.Cleve72: Myth is reality. It is just expressed in a fictional form because mere data cannot convey all of the truth. Granted, it must be examined carefully (as also must data); the Greco-Roman myths don’t tell us much about God, but they sure do about humans.

One: Noah did not need two of every existing variation; just two of every “kind” to reproduce after the flood. Variation within a species is NOT evolution…evolution presumes species turn into other species.Two: God could easily have put all the animals into hibernation to prevent all the mess, sex, and food storage…and a lot of this controversy.(Turning sarcasm feature on now): Oops, that took reasoning, something us Christians are incapable of! My bad!

Why did he bother with the leash?

Amen to That although if you can get the topic going with out being at its center it is fun to watch

Still some of the best comedy out there!

Actually, they didn’t eat, they were in hibernation, there wouldn’t have been enough room for all the food needed and not spoil.

Remember that the ark would barely fit inside a football stadium and had three floors, tripling the area. Too, the only windows were on the third floor…way too much work for hauling waste up for disposal. Hibernation likely.

I’ve often wondered… what did the meat eaters eat on the Arc? In order to feed them all, Noah would have had to gather way more than two of each.

Them and the flies!

I like the way you think, and I love your term “wink-acycisms”

Not at all paradoxical once you cast off Christian-specific meanings of heaven and hell. Not every religion views hell as an eternal cosmic punishment for misdeeds in life. Some religions don’t believe in hell at all and only through reincarnation and spiritual growth can you achieve “heaven”. Other religions suggest that pretty much everyone goes to “hell” for a time, then, once cleansed, are sent to heaven. Other religions don’t even discuss an afterlife.

According to ARIS, in 2008, 76% identified as Christian, 12% as Atheist. While there are no reliable surveys on the religious beliefs of prisoners (I found one study claiming 2% Atheism), I strongly doubt that they are trending heavily toward Atheism, much less above the national average.

Please, reread Genesis one until you have it. Then Read Genesis 2. You will see the separation in time that is clearly delineated. However, most evangelicals are looking for the tar and feathers right now, for me.

The story of Noah’s ark, like everything else in the relatively early parts of the bible, is a myth. Furthermore, it is not even an original myth, having been adapted from earlier versions, such as the one in Gilgamesh.Trying to take the story literally in light of current knowledge is both absurd and intellectually stultifying. The best starting point for this is at http://www.talkorigins.org/origins/faqs-flood.html and especially the first document listed there, at http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/faq-noahs-ark.htmlHere are just a few of the problems presented in that document, that christians never question as they irrationally take a myth literally (these and other arguments are developed in detail, with reference in the document; I’m just presenting a few):1) How did the koalas and penguins get to the ark? And how did their food (remember, koalas only eat eucalyptus leaves; according to Wikipedia, “Most penguins feed on krill, fish, squid, and other forms of sealife caught while swimming underwater”) get there? Now multiply this by the large number of other animals that have very limited geographical range, movement, lifespan (mayflies, anyone?) or dietary requirements. 2) The number of animals, no matter how much creationists redefine terms, would not have fit on the ark. Ancient middle easterners, who never traveled far from their own natural habitat, simply did not know about the diversity of life on earth. 3) Advent of so much water, or of disposal thereof after the flood is scientifically impossible. 4) The implications of a flood are not seen (five questions: (1) How do you explain the relative ages of mountains? (2) Why is there no evidence of a flood in ice core series? (3) How are the polar ice caps even possible? (4) Why did the Flood not leave traces on the sea floors? (5) Why is there no evidence of a flood in tree ring dating?). 5) The geological record is inconsistent with the idea that it was all laid down at one time (a huge list of geological features that could not exist if there had been such a flood). 6) Survival of plants, fish (different fish need different salinities), and human diseases (can’t resist this quote: “Many diseases can’t survive in hosts other than humans. Many others can only survive in humans and in short-lived arthropod vectors. The list includes typhus, measles, smallpox, polio, gonorrhea, syphilis. For these diseases to have survived the Flood, they must all have infected one or more of the eight people aboard the Ark.”)7) Numerous historical, logical, philosophical and theological problems.Read the whole document. Now, we can sort of kind of forgive people who wrote this stuff down around 2,500 years ago their ignorance; there is no way they could know about the rest of the world’s extent in either space or time. But for their descendents today to accept these myths as literal is simply wilful ignorance. And, as Robert Silverberg once said, “Ignorance can’t be pardoned, only cured.”

@John Pike

Many thanks for your great post.….“God inserted his work when and where needed”….Was also confounded by the statement by previously mentioned Edgar Cayce, that the creation of man was for the purpose of companionship with God.Certainly, an omniscient omnipotent , omnipresent Being did not need companionship, but desired it.The First Cause desired companionship!An astounding notion, and one searched for by me in trying to personally find out why the hell we impotent bipeds walk the(Mother) Earth. Therefore, evolution is absolutely needed to progress to the point of being fit to be companions to the Creative Forces, the First Cause, God .We’ve got a hell of a lot of work to do, but let’s all set to work to achieve the mark set for us by our Creator.

@Sharuniboy

Wow, Thanks so much for your powerful posts!Truly mean this!…….“I myself am heaven and hell”…….So very true, there is no devil, the devil resides within, there is no external devil,Hell is within ourselves, in our lack of Love for our Creator’s fellows’ creatures, and our fixation on SELF!Bless you, my friend!

@Spaamgaard

Unbelievable!You and Sharuniboy are on the same page!……“only, through reincarnation and spiritual growth can you grow to heaven”, indeed!Edgar Cayce exactly: “we don’t go to heaven , we GROW to heaven!”.Thanks so much, my dear friend!

@GoldenRoya

Have absolutely loved your posts of today and truly mean this!God bless you ,my friend!Cannot properly express my admiration of your great wisdom! Honestly! Your terrific views of our present state of affairs cannot be put into words. Honestly!May God know of the great good you have done today!

@Sharuniboy@GoldenRoya

Am totally in awe of both your great posts!. Mean this! Thanks to you both!

I stand by “impossible.” Read the whole article, and the links to other scientific works, as well as standard scientific texts on astronomy, geology, and biology. As I said, I was only mentioning a few of the points. Unless one is willing to admit unsubstantiated claims—in which case, how does one tell that one’s chosen religion is better than the other guy’s—then it comes down to a question of evidence. And the simple fact is that science and rationality has shown that every substantive testable claim of religion is false, which is not surprising, given how limited a pool of information the ancients had access to. They did the best they could, and came up with various mythologies—the Egyptians, the Greeks, the Norse, the Jews, various non-Western cultures; however, with access to more information, better equipment, and a wider historical view, we recognize their explanations as just that—mythical. All of which gives me no reason to accept any of religion’s untestable claims.You will find in this debate that it is not the scientists who shy from reason. Was it further up on this thread that someone quoted Martin Luther: “To be a Christian, you must pluck out the eye of reason.”

For those to lazy to look it up…The ark was 300 cubits long, 50 wide, 30 high. (about 450 ft x 75 × 45, or 135 m x 23 × 14)Noah took seven pairs of every kind of clean animal and one pair of all other kinds of animal.“Kind” is most likely “genus” rather than “species”.

I expect a heated “Creation” v “Evolution” shouting match will begin soon.Please don’t.I was just re-stating what was written in Genesis ch. 6 and 7.