Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for June 19, 2017

4? 17? 43? 129?

BUMPER STICKER: Have you hugged a dugong metaphor lately?

I don’t know, but I refuse to lose my head over it.

There’s no limit. I never metaphor I didn’t like.

Similes, on the other hand, are right out.

Ah, but a dugong’s reach must exceed his grasp or what’s a metaphor?

I googled “dugong metaphor” and actually got a hit.

Metaphors

A metaphor is something that compares two things without using like or as.

Her hair was an oil slick.

The only downside to metaphors is that they require more explanation than similes do. Some metaphors – like the one above – are self-explanatory. Oil slicks are shiny and black, so her hair must be shiny and black. (Oil slicks are also … well … oily, so maybe you should clarify if her hair is shiny because she takes care of it or oily because she hasn’t washed it in awhile.)

Other metaphors are less clear, for example,

Alberic was a dugong.

Firstly, not many people know what a dugong is other than a misspelling of seel’s evolution. (This is a dugong and this is dewgong.) Secondly, even if you knew what a dugong was, the logic jump isn’t obvious or universal. Dugongs are placid, social, slow-moving, tropic-dwelling marine mammals with terrible eyesight. They’re also fat and shy around other humans. There are three ways of going about explaining your weird metaphor.

Ditch the metaphor and explicitly state what you were trying to get at with the dugong metaphor.

Alberic was an easygoing guy with a paunch and glasses.

Use the metaphor and then clarify.

Alberic was a dugong – fat, a little slow, but very sociable.

Explain the metaphor in a different sense

Easygoing, short-sighted Alberic’s Patronus would have been a dugong.

Short-sighted, social, and easygoing … dugongs reminded me of Alberic.

Cat Scratch Fever!! (The scratches on the yellow background.)

I’d have a different expression on my face if I had someone’s high heel shoe impaled in my skull.

I recently ran across milk float,which I hadn’t seen used since Bowie’s Rock and Roll Suicide. I had to look it up. So I looked up head float. It is completely different from a milk float. You could not use milk float as a metaphor in describing a head float. It is a box canyon, void of content and going nowhere, without a dugong in sight.

They are not a number, they are a free manatee..

Depends on the context, like everything else.

Dugong it, the more the merrier.

Stick it in your ear.

Familiar scribblings

This whole strip is one two-headed dugong.

HEEL

One. (Sorry, just my opinion.)

Rite E O…

The T Bomb…..the Teresa Burritt Bomb.

…one.

Dugong it! I hope dugong euphemisms are ok.

Is this anything like the “how many licks are there in a Tootsie-Pop” question?

Dugong metaphors are infinite in number if you’re speaking politically.

They should be judiciously rationed so as not to tire the listener.

I actually know the answer to this one.

It is, too many.

There’s no dugong like Barbara Manatee (who just wanted to go to the ball: http://tinyurl.com/y7gby4g8 ). Nonetheless, a plethora of metaphors would be, like [ahem!], too many. Moderation in all things, as the Philosopher has taught….