Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 05, 2015

Goat, stop wasting your time talking to Pig. Here are addresses for 3 pubs in Petaluma:-Dempsey’s Restaurant and Brewery 50 E. Washington Street, Petaluma, CA 94952 Ph 707 765-9694-Lagunitas Brewing Company1280 N. McDowell BoulevardPetaluma, Calif. 94954Ph 707.778.8776-Zodiacs256 Petaluma Blvd. North, Petaluma, California 94952Phone: (707) 773-7751-Zodiacs is the only one that is open right now. Apparently, bars close by 9 pm in Petaluma — what the…?

Paris, there’s a simple solution to this problem — put a saddle on Pig, make him carry you to the bar, and get high on the hog.

Gotta love AND loathe those four words: “you can’t miss it.”

Does Pig go there to drink or does he just drive people to drink?

turn left right after the cloud..it will be just under the moon..you cant miss it..

You find it the same way you find the Hekawi Indian tribe’s village: Turn left at rock that look like bear. Then turn right at bear that look like rock.

Was anyone else expecting an awful pun with a setup like “brew pub in Petaluma”?

Except that GPS is often inaccurate or takes you the shortest way, which might be on roads that aren’t really roads. Like the people who get lost in Death Valley. Besides, GPS doesn’t know how to pronounce the Spanish names of streets, and there are plenty of those around Petaluma.

From hometown boy Harry Partch, “On the Seventh Day, Petals Fell in Petaluma” attached to rather Monty Pythonesque animation. https://youtu.be/_TI_Fps-kfo

Okay, the “blue place” with the big lights. That’s got to be an IKEA store, right?

Pastis probably didn’t think of it as a pun set-up, cos, like me, he lives in Santa Rosa and frequently drives to Petaluma, or past it, on the freeway.It’s 15 miles south, along US 101, which is the route to Oakland or San Francisco…so to us, it’s just a local place name.

That said… and having been, in the past, to both Dempsey’s Pub and Lagunitas Brewing, by the freeway and by the back roads…. I still have no idea what Pig is talking about.

Which is why I was just at a store today and heard one of the clerks having to give directions to the store when person on the other end had a GPS. Don’t rely so heavily on GPS.

Turn right on the corner where the Flying-A Douglas gas station used to be.

And, Pig, could use a brain

Did you ever try to Petaluma? If you do it incorrectly, they’ll bite you. Better stick with a dog or cat.

My GPS never took me where I wanted to go. I threw it away. My neighbor said it was because it had a female voice. His had a male voice and it took him all the way to FL from NJ.Do they make a GPS with a pig voice? Would it just give landmarks and not streets?

Totally thought I was being set up for a pun strip. As I was reading I was trying to come up with puns for Petaluna. Damn you, Cartoon Boy!

My GPS is pretty useful. But it does have problems from time to time. My current favorite says “Take left onto Route XXX West”, when the left is clearly labeled Route XXX East.

Peanuts fans may remember that Petaluma was where Snoopy went to participate in the annual world’s wrist wrestling championship.

https://genevaanderson.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/4-22-1968-small.jpg

GPSs are for sissies. :P

I work in a gas station. At least once a week, I have to give directions to someone who does have GPS because their GPS is trying to send them in the wrong direction or it’s their phone and the battery is dead.

I particularly love the people who will then argue with you about the directions you just gave them, if you know better than me, why did you ask me in the first place?I’ve spent minutes arguing with people that, yes, you really do need to go left at the fork to get to the highway, going right won’t work, only to watch them leave and go right. At which point, there is about a 50% chance we will see them again in about half an hour, asking for directions again.

In a previous life, Pig was Chief Navigator on the RMS Titanic!

For those disappointed by the lack of a pun in today’s PB4S, feel free to see my comment in today’s Ripley’s BION!

Wow! I’m shocked (and disappointed). I was honestly expecting one of those clever plays on words.

♫Is this the way to Petaluma?

I don’t know how I get anywhere either. I just go by things that look familiar but have no clue how to tell anyone else as I don’t pay attention to street names. One time at work a guy asked for a ride home. He had to give me directions as I never heard of the street. Turns out I went by it almost everyday.

I make my own beer. Home is the place to be. But you still have to be able to follow instructions. Some people should just go straight to the beer store.

Maps still work, too

since pig goes there everyday, just go with him… d’uh..

I’ve had a GPS for several years, and it works very well nearly all the time. The only problem I’ve ever had with it is, on two occasions, in two different states, it sent me into the middle of a residential area when I was trying to find a laundromat. For some reason, it’s biased against laundromats…

My SO thinks that men won’t ask directions because it’s “unmanly” or something. The truth is, if you stop and ask directions, even at a gas station, you’ve a better than even chance of getting bad directions.

Is that Charlie Brown’s brick wall they’re standing behind?

My GPS had me driving around Lafayette, CA in ever expanding circles while looking for my doctor’s office. I was45 minutes late by the time I got back on the main street and figured out where I was. Weird experience. I began to think I was in the twilight zone…

I always use a map. A GPS is wrong too often, and directions from others are sometimes useless (“turn left where the flower shop used to be”). The worst are directions from New Yorkers. Once we were invited to an event at a location and were provided with a direction sheet the venue sent to all the invitees. We came to a five-way intersection, with no clear indication which way to go. When we finally found the location, the manager answered my complaint with: “EVERYONE knows you go … “.

I would say a beer and some painkillers!

xxx

reminds me of israel. everybody seemed to give directions like"go straight, go straight then turn left (or right, depending on the location)

sometimes my gps has a nervous breakdown, and refuses to work until it has a long rest. sometimes, the directions are so weird and wrong that i’m sure it’s doing drugs. i don’t know how a gps partakes of drugs, or how it obtains them; but i’m positive that drugs are involved. it doesn’t share, either.

Pig, you ain’t a GPS.

I was born in Petaluma, went to Junior High and High School. In the fifties the mayor (a funeral director) led a campaign to get the highway to bypass the town and was featured for that reason in Life magazine. The town languished while nearby Rohnert Park grew up. Nothing much changed for decades. Then Petaluma got its revenge: because it had retained so many old houses and other buildings it became quaint and has developed into a foodie haven for daytrippers from the Bay Area. Just the spot for a trendy brew pub.

(Yup. I thought I was wandering into a pun set-up.)

I totally understand what Pig is saying—which is NOT the same as saying I could find the pub by following his instructions. Like Pig, I have certain favorite routes to frequently visited places, which I know by heart. But I pay little or no attention to street names along the way, nor to identifiable features of any kind. If you asked me how to get “there,” I fear my instructions would sound very much like Pig’s!

Drive until you get to the Slauson Cutoff. Get out of the car, cut off your slauson …

“if’n you go 2 miles down this dirt road you come to the fallen oak tree. turn left at the next gravel road, or is it right? no wait a minute it is left cause the truck ran out of gas there last month. then go about another mile or so and you will see a red barn on your right. that’s the johnson place. ol man johnson died last year from the gout. poor guy. his wife was a nagging woman you know. once you’ve gotten to the red barn you will see a silo just over the trees on the right. that’s the millers place and the bar your looking for is about a mile west of that. old man miller and i haven’t spoken to each other in 20 years. lazy ol coot. well anyway once you see the silo look for a big pasture with a couple horses in it on the left hand side and you won’t be far from the bar. just a mile or so down the gravel road.”“ahhh, thanks?”“no problem. glad to help.”

Was getting directions from a customer once. After getting to his town he told me to take a right where the big silo used to be.

friends had rented a hall for a party, the hostess and i arrived 1st , w/others coming to begin setup—the hall she’d rented was not the hall she had thought she rented. a few hours till showtime and all those people had the wrong address. we’re standing there with the bartender giving us directions while old geezers keep interrupting and saying she’s wrong and giving us supposedly better way complicated directions. i could literally see each nerve in my friend fray and snap. oh boy

I knew there were more souls who were annoyed by this; this is why I can never find anything – people need to be more specific!!

This is why I don’t usually ask for directions. I prefer to look it up myself.

Petaluma?