Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for December 12, 2014
Transcript:
Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling So you're on the Paleo Diet because you want to re-create the healthy diet of your Paleolithic ancestors. But what WAS that diet? Well, the most health-conscious cavemen actually chose to re-create the diet of THEIR ancestors! Introducing...THE PLIO DIET! Australopith-cuisine The diet of our Pliocene epoch ancestors When fast food meant food that was too fast to catch! "3.5 million years ago, you either looked lean and fabulous, or you were in the jaws of a giant hyena." Charley, Spokes-australopithecine Day one. Ants on a stick. You'll know you're full when the stinging makes your mouth numb. Day two. Fighting a large bird for some rotting glyptodon* meat. Plenty of cardio, plus pound-shredding trichinosis. *Can substitute armadillo meat. Day three. Fruit, worms, and worms in fruit. Day four-six. Nothing. Day seven. Tree bark and grass. After three days of fasting, you'll be surprised how yummy non-caloric plant matter is! BEFORE AFTER THE PLIO DIET If you survive...you're fit!! PLIO DIET! In bookstores now! Also available etched on mussel shells.
disinterest over 9 years ago
much like. The Paleo diet is perfect for humans with biological systems which only have to last for the average life-span of a Paleo primate, perhaps three decades.
ART Thompson Premium Member over 9 years ago
For a related laugh enjoy this:http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/an-open-letter-to-paleo-diet-enthusiasts
QuiteDragon over 9 years ago
Paleo diet, anti-vaccine, young-earth creationism, geocentrism…BACKWARDS TO THE FUTURE!!!
greenearthman over 9 years ago
I have said so many times, that the biggest problem of our time is the lack of large carnivores. Think of all the sufferers of clinical depression who would be cured! You are moping around the cave, listlessly eating whatever is within reach. Suddenly a large carnivore appears! Your adrenaline flight or fight response kicks in and you run like hell ro escape the large jaws of sharp teeth. You find a tree to climb or a cleft in the rocks where said predator cannot get to you. Predator gives up, and goes away. Are you depressed? Elated is probably more like it. Wow. You have just gotten a drug that is vastly better than any of that crap on tv. Or you were caught and the case is “cured” in a slightly different way. Overweight? Same thing. Darwin strikes again! Yeah, I know, sounds suspiciously like “eugenics.” It worked for hundreds of thousands of years, though. Jus’ sayin’. Charley knows.
kapock over 9 years ago
Of course the most savvy Pliocene hominids modeled their diet after those tough mammals that survived the dinosaur extinction and went on to conquer the world in the Paleocene epoch. It’s called the Paleo Diet.
richardj over 9 years ago
Next up: The Cambrian Diet: You eat only protozoa.
Tarkus over 9 years ago
Usually Ruben is on the money with science deniers but here he behaving like Steve Stockman. Despite the “inconvenient menu” pundits like McSweeny noted above the scientific basis for the paleo diet merely speaks to the concept people eating what we originally evolved into eating. The human evolutionary path did not define itself as “in waiting” for sugars and other carbohydrates that would arrive hundreds of thousands of years later but rather we developed our nutritional systems to best utilize what was available. End of story. It isn’t about eating one day and then starving for three anymore than believing that feeding corn to cattle who cannot properly digest it for the same evolutionary reasons; we evolved to eat what was there. That is how our bodies were defined.
There is a difference between those who embrace the latest diet as a fad versus admitting that much of our diet is currently based on what corporately is easy and cheap to sell thus explaining why pizza sauce is now considered a vegetable by congress.
The before and after images would have also existed back then except of course that the Before would have been a corpse since there were no companies providing refined foods.
Now you’ll have to excuse me while I slug back a beer and snark down a sandwich thus defying our ancestors original diet.