Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 09, 2014
Transcript:
Victor the Vegan meets Jef the Cylcist. Victor: Behold! I am Victor the vegan, judging all those who dare to use animal products! Jef: Behold! I am Jef the cyclist, judging all those who are lazy and weak! Jef: I condemn thee for having a leather seat on thy bike!! Jef: I condemn thee for being a skinny runt of a man!! Pig: It's not pretty when two superior races meet. Victor: I punch thee for wearing spandex.
Sherlock Watson over 9 years ago
Two wrongs are making a right cross!
Alexander the Good Enough over 9 years ago
Matter, meet antimatter. Actually, the two groups share rather much in common and are often likely to merge into one more or less unpleasant alliance.
Kaputnik over 9 years ago
Maybe they will meet Vinnie the Vegetarian and Troy the tricyclist and become allies against them.
inshadowz over 9 years ago
I second the spandex line! On guys anyway.
Mr_Mattie over 9 years ago
Heaven help them both when they meet Roscoe the Redneck.
AlnicoV over 9 years ago
I swear I saw this play itself out in real life at a Portland, Oregon Starbucks just last week.
JusSayin over 9 years ago
The subtext here is they also actively participate in Renaissance Fairs. "I condemn THEE?
Bilan over 9 years ago
At least Jef can outrun Victor if things gets bad.
fatchance over 9 years ago
Spandex is the last bastion of chivalry. When I was still mountain biking, I always allowed women to go up the hill before me.
Brass Orchid Premium Member over 9 years ago
This is how the end begins.
sarah413 Premium Member over 9 years ago
“My dog’s better than your dog. My dog’s better than yours. My dog’s better ‘cause he eats kennel ration. My dog’s better than yours.”
matjestaet over 9 years ago
Hmmm….. we all know a “Jef” who is a cyclist.
But who is “Victor” ?
Cameron1988 Premium Member over 9 years ago
LOL
Reppr Premium Member over 9 years ago
I am SO enjoying this (as I watch the Spandex peacocks in the passing parade)
tommysmo over 9 years ago
I know who Jef is. Does anyone know if Victor is modeled after a real person?
Guilty Bystander over 9 years ago
Shhhh…don’t ever tell a greener or bicyclist they’re not superior. Without smugness, they’d have no personality at all.
VariousPositions over 9 years ago
“Scrawny vegan” is a dumb stereotype. There are vegan professional MMA fighters. Patrik Baboumian (vegan) won Germany’s Strongest Man competition.
linksglfr Premium Member over 9 years ago
Add Prius drivers. The most sanctimonious motorists ever.
Thomas R. Williams over 9 years ago
BÜbermensch
pag over 9 years ago
So this is a comic strip judging vegans and cyclists because they’re too judgmental? Oh, the irony…
dutchs over 9 years ago
I had haggis once and it wasn’t bad but the imagery in this poem? Bleagghh!
echoraven over 9 years ago
Andy the Atheist will destroy them all with his intellectual superiority!
nosirrom over 9 years ago
In this fight, I’ll bet on Jef.While Victor has an Asparagus Spear,Jef has a Bike Chain.
russellc64 over 9 years ago
“I punch thee for wearing spandex.”First time I ever agreed with a vegan.
kzturtlegirl over 9 years ago
@Tom, maybe Darby Conley of Get Fuzzy? @Ro-Gan, make that three, don’t forget the white mice. But, I don’t think the dolphins knew about them. As for Victor Vegan, he’s better than Vegas Vic. At least Victor doesn’t smoke…… well, maybe just not tobacco……
Fido (aka Felix Rex) Premium Member over 9 years ago
So why the sudden influx of Mallet-bashing?
Bucinka over 9 years ago
Go Jef!
loner34 over 9 years ago
I would like to by them for what they are worth… and sell them for what they THINK they’re worth
Rick Smith Premium Member over 9 years ago
Only the vegan half.
barister over 9 years ago
Finally, a funny script. Thanks. It was a loooong time coming.
Sisyphos over 9 years ago
I hope Victor and Jef beat each other into oblivion. Normal people would then be better off….
singlefemalelaywer over 9 years ago
That’s Future Jef on the left………………………
KEA over 9 years ago
Maybe they’ll join forces and take on dog owners.
Janlouo over 9 years ago
Vegan! Because being a vegetarian just isn’t enough!The battle of “Healthier then Thou”
Brass Orchid Premium Member over 9 years ago
What? You mean they might be compensating for something?
Sheila Hardie over 9 years ago
Or parents.
claire de la lune. over 9 years ago
Happiness… is a warm gun (bam bam, shoot shoot)…
cwizard71 over 9 years ago
Vegans do not act like they are superior to everyone else. I know four vegans and none of them act like that. Also, do you ever see any TV ads for vegan-friendly products? No, but you see plenty of ads for meat. So who is acting superior to whom?
Michelman40 over 9 years ago
Vegans are humorless and would never read the comics
MTsteel about 9 years ago
Vegans are supreme! EXTERMINATE!!
knight1192a about 9 years ago
Viktor should condemn himself too.
Snuffles [Previously Helikitty] almost 2 years ago
I prefer the Cyclist.