Pickles by Brian Crane for August 03, 2014

Just goes to show where some people keep their minds

Interesting choice of words at the beginning of your story, Earl.

I knew instantly what he meant.It was the only way that gentle soul could havee beaten him up.

During divorce proceedings, the judge asks the soon-to-be ex-couple’s son whether he wishes to live with his father. “No,” the boy replies. “My dad beats me.”

“What about your mother?” the judge inquires.

“No. She beats me too.”

“Well, since you’re a minor, you have to live with someone.”

“I want to live with the Detroit Lions! They never beat anyone.”

Question on employee character assessment questionnaire : Do you still beat your wife?

Was Pastis Here ?

Most days I beat my husband up. On the odd occasion he has an early appointment, its a treat for me when he beats me up, I get to watch the news in bed! Happy Sunday everyone!

English – the language for people who enjoy miscommunication.

“Beats me up” still leads to fewer misunderstandings than the British “knock you up”, which mean to tap on the door to awaken you.

Second one up gets a warm toilet seat.

I hope Opal made Earl breakfast.

Saw that comin’.

What about when she “beats an egg” ?OK. Maybe that one wasn’t very good.xxx

well we do know Opal can whip the potatoes. or the cream.

Good for a laugh. Thanks!

Reminds me of the sketch from Michael Nesmith’s “Elephant Parts” where a very serious narrator announces a discussion of battered wives..Then the camera pulls back to reveal in the other seat a woman completely covered in a sticky mixture of flour and egg.

I beat my 99-year-old dad up each morning… that way I can get the milk out for him.

That joke was old when Earl’s grandfather was a boy!