If you are obsessive-compulsive: Press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent: Ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities: Press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid: We know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional: Press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic: Listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive: It doesn’t matter what number you press – no-one will answer. If you are dyslexic: Press 969696969696969696. If you have a nervous disorder: Please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line. If you have amnesia: Press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name. If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9. If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9. If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9. If you have short term memory loss: Press 9. If you have low self esteem: Please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
I wondered when Heather would show up. …If you don’t know what we’re not doing, press one. If we don’t know what we’re not doing, press two. If you want us to jump up and down like a twit, sorry, you will need to call 1-800-get-jumpy……If we don’t know anything, press six. [beep] Hello, this is Microsoft!
Paraphrased from Married With Children. Al has been on the phone for several hours waiting for help on his car. Let’s just say that the computer help line isn’t. I haven’t seen the episode in a while, and I don’t remember the exact line, but near the end of the episode, it goes something like this:…“If your car is over twenty-five years old, is covered in rust, its pieces have fallen somewhere between Fifth Street and Ninth street, and is making noises that can be heard more than fifty blocks away, press 8.” [Beep]“Hello, Mr. Bundy!”
Linguist about 11 years ago
Another AT & T satisfied customer !
el8 about 11 years ago
Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive: Press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent: Ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities: Press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid: We know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional: Press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic: Listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive: It doesn’t matter what number you press – no-one will answer. If you are dyslexic: Press 969696969696969696. If you have a nervous disorder: Please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line. If you have amnesia: Press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother’s maiden name. If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9. If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9. If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9. If you have short term memory loss: Press 9. If you have low self esteem: Please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
Linux0s about 11 years ago
“I’d like to return this phone. Why? Because it’s a jerk, that’s why.”
jack fairbanks about 11 years ago
favorite recording: “if you’d like to make a call, hang up the phone”.
Kali39 about 11 years ago
I wondered when Heather would show up. …If you don’t know what we’re not doing, press one. If we don’t know what we’re not doing, press two. If you want us to jump up and down like a twit, sorry, you will need to call 1-800-get-jumpy……If we don’t know anything, press six. [beep] Hello, this is Microsoft!
meowlin about 11 years ago
“…this is you last opportunity to lower your interest rate…”
Is that a promise?
Sherlock Watson about 11 years ago
“We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.” (Lily Tomlin as Ernestine)
Kali39 about 11 years ago
Paraphrased from Married With Children. Al has been on the phone for several hours waiting for help on his car. Let’s just say that the computer help line isn’t. I haven’t seen the episode in a while, and I don’t remember the exact line, but near the end of the episode, it goes something like this:…“If your car is over twenty-five years old, is covered in rust, its pieces have fallen somewhere between Fifth Street and Ninth street, and is making noises that can be heard more than fifty blocks away, press 8.” [Beep]“Hello, Mr. Bundy!”
redbaronss about 11 years ago
Hey! Heather has called me too! I’ve gotten to the point that I’ve changed my ring tone for the unknown robocalls.
I’d like to press her buttons!