Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for May 28, 2019
Your Spring Weeding Guide Die die Die Die Non-Euclidean creeper. Hard to remove. Ignores the geometry of the space time continuum common to most yards. False tea rose. Looks & smells exactly like the lovely tea rose. But it's a weed! Soon your yard will be covered in it! Root it out! Tear it up! Kill it! Bamzu. Combines the robust unstoppability of kudzu with the hearty immorality of bamboo. It also attracts zebra mussels. Sell your house and get a condo. Dilatory bulbvine. Also known as your left over Christmas lights. Take them down already, it's Easter for crying out loud.