Some of the more pompous among us have been criticizing my posts as of late, calling them inappropriate, disgusting, and downright indigestible. So tonight I present a story that is beyond reproach in its cleanliness:
A young novitiate decides to go into town one night, so he leaves his monastery of no particular denomination and soon finds himself in a tavern where he orders a sarsaparilla. As he sits in a corner sipping it, a young, seductively-dressed woman approaches him. “Hey, big boy,” she begins in a breathy voice. How’d you like a backrub?"
Coming from an ascetic lifestyle and never having heard of such a thing, the novitiate is taken by surprise. “Uh, what’s a backrub?” he wants to know.
“Fifty bucks,” the woman responds. This serves only to confuse the young man, so he finishes his sarsaparilla and returns to his monastery of no particular denomination. Upon reaching it, he finds the monsignor.
“Monsignor,” he asks, “What’s a backrub?”
The elderly cleric answers, “Fifty bucks, same as in town.”
When the Concord was operational, amazing things were possible in rapid travel. What do you suppose George Washington would say if you told him that it’s now possible to eat breakfast in Tokyo, lunch in Paris, and dinner in Chicago?
An American salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan. Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day’s meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.
“I’m afraid not, sir,” the clerk told him apologetically, “but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.”
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, “Manicures, $20.” “Why not?” thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, “This machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 50 cents.” The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck in his – well, you will have to imagine.
When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit, which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.
The city of Boston was worried about the many crows being killed on the roads there by cars so they set up a study to determine what the problem was. The study determined that when a murder of crows got together and landed for some road kill that the group would assign some crows as lookouts. When a truck or bus came they would call truck or bus and they would clear the road. When a car came many were hit and killed. The researchers discovered the crows couldn’t say car.
That illustration on the bottom left hand corner looks like some crows feasting on the road kill remains of Kermit the Frog! Miss Piggy, where are you?
I enjoyed the jokes when they were just plain silly ( or only slightly ribald), but this is the first time in a month that I have started reading the comments again. Some of the jokes were becoming too crass for me. I look forward to seeing jokes again, but maybe you guys could tone down some of the jokes so everyone can enjoy them again.
I’ve seen a lot of comments from Shilly Shirley saying he represents RBION, but I haven’t seen a single one from RBION saying he represents them. There’s a number of comics where the author responds in the comments section to some of the readers who comment. The Born Loser is one example – check out a few days comments on that strip to see a few of them.
So why haven’t we heard from RBION, one way or the other? Does JohnShirley1 speak for you? Or is his saying so just drivel from a mind past its use by date? Since it’s Believe It Or Not, I’m choosing “Not”.
The more I think about it, the fishier this whole thing becomes. JS1 claims to represent RBION, but JS1 is not an attorney, and there has been no indication at all from RBION that they have delegated any authority to JS1 to speak or act on their behalf. JS1 may be a complete fraud, like squatters taking over someone’s home while they’re on an extended vacation. And if he has been retained by RBION to represent their interests, it’s also possible that JS1 is guilty of practicing law without a license, and should be reported to the appropriate bar association for legal proceedings. So how about it, RBION? Have you hired this non-lawyer to represent you?
eromlig over 1 year ago
Some of the more pompous among us have been criticizing my posts as of late, calling them inappropriate, disgusting, and downright indigestible. So tonight I present a story that is beyond reproach in its cleanliness:
A young novitiate decides to go into town one night, so he leaves his monastery of no particular denomination and soon finds himself in a tavern where he orders a sarsaparilla. As he sits in a corner sipping it, a young, seductively-dressed woman approaches him. “Hey, big boy,” she begins in a breathy voice. How’d you like a backrub?"
Coming from an ascetic lifestyle and never having heard of such a thing, the novitiate is taken by surprise. “Uh, what’s a backrub?” he wants to know.
“Fifty bucks,” the woman responds. This serves only to confuse the young man, so he finishes his sarsaparilla and returns to his monastery of no particular denomination. Upon reaching it, he finds the monsignor.
“Monsignor,” he asks, “What’s a backrub?”
The elderly cleric answers, “Fifty bucks, same as in town.”
monkeysky over 1 year ago
Wow, three themed facts, and I didn’t know any of them.
That crow one is especially interesting. I wonder if they behave similarly when facing nest predators outside of urban areas?
Templo S.U.D. over 1 year ago
them Japanese sure know how to do things, don’t they?
Bilan over 1 year ago
The crows had to raise some money to make all of those decoys. it was their nest egg nest egg.
boniface22 over 1 year ago
Requiring a parking place depends on the type of car and the area where you live. The rules aren’t the same everywhere.
Charlie Fogwhistle over 1 year ago
When the Concord was operational, amazing things were possible in rapid travel. What do you suppose George Washington would say if you told him that it’s now possible to eat breakfast in Tokyo, lunch in Paris, and dinner in Chicago?
“WTF is Chicago?”
Charlie Fogwhistle over 1 year ago
Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo.
We’ll keep you updated as the story unfolds.
Charlie Fogwhistle over 1 year ago
An American salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan. Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day’s meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.
“I’m afraid not, sir,” the clerk told him apologetically, “but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.”
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, “Manicures, $20.” “Why not?” thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, “This machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 50 cents.” The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck in his – well, you will have to imagine.
When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit, which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.
For now.
fgerbil46 over 1 year ago
Smart crows. I wonder if their follow up is to bomb the vehicles parked in the area of the decoys.
Huckleberry Hiroshima over 1 year ago
“I park where I want to park, I’ve got things to do, I’m a GAMER.” ~ Sushi the Japanese crow
Take care, may honest used car salesman Fred “I Recommend Taking The Bus” Rogersord be with you, and gesundheit.
WCraft Premium Member over 1 year ago
Star publishing delicious crow recipes in popular Japanese newspapers/blogs. That might help.
Jogger2 over 1 year ago
There was an episode of The Odd Couple TV program, where Oscar and Felix won a car. But, they couldn’t find a place to park it.
makdrick over 1 year ago
The city of Boston was worried about the many crows being killed on the roads there by cars so they set up a study to determine what the problem was. The study determined that when a murder of crows got together and landed for some road kill that the group would assign some crows as lookouts. When a truck or bus came they would call truck or bus and they would clear the road. When a car came many were hit and killed. The researchers discovered the crows couldn’t say car.
Tim Harrod Premium Member over 1 year ago
How do they tell a decoy nest from a backup nest?
Angry Indeed over 1 year ago
That illustration on the bottom left hand corner looks like some crows feasting on the road kill remains of Kermit the Frog! Miss Piggy, where are you?
Michelleh over 1 year ago
I enjoyed the jokes when they were just plain silly ( or only slightly ribald), but this is the first time in a month that I have started reading the comments again. Some of the jokes were becoming too crass for me. I look forward to seeing jokes again, but maybe you guys could tone down some of the jokes so everyone can enjoy them again.
Charlie Fogwhistle over 1 year ago
I’ve seen a lot of comments from Shilly Shirley saying he represents RBION, but I haven’t seen a single one from RBION saying he represents them. There’s a number of comics where the author responds in the comments section to some of the readers who comment. The Born Loser is one example – check out a few days comments on that strip to see a few of them.
So why haven’t we heard from RBION, one way or the other? Does JohnShirley1 speak for you? Or is his saying so just drivel from a mind past its use by date? Since it’s Believe It Or Not, I’m choosing “Not”.
Charlie Fogwhistle over 1 year ago
In the Born Loser he responds in replies to comments.
Charlie Fogwhistle over 1 year ago
The more I think about it, the fishier this whole thing becomes. JS1 claims to represent RBION, but JS1 is not an attorney, and there has been no indication at all from RBION that they have delegated any authority to JS1 to speak or act on their behalf. JS1 may be a complete fraud, like squatters taking over someone’s home while they’re on an extended vacation. And if he has been retained by RBION to represent their interests, it’s also possible that JS1 is guilty of practicing law without a license, and should be reported to the appropriate bar association for legal proceedings. So how about it, RBION? Have you hired this non-lawyer to represent you?