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Feb 24, 2014
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some advice for the academy
it's oscar time! but what if some pushy winner won't shut up?

actor: i'd like to thank my agent & my mother & my sommelier & l. ron hubbard & my cats- what th-

a rolling blackout might slow him down.

actors: & my producer & my feng shuist & my rolodex & hey! i'm not finished!
blamo
try an exploding oscar with a 2 minute fuse. tres hollywood!

actor: & my personal trainer & my geneticist & no! no! get them away from me!
a dispirited group of oscar winners from years past who'va slipped back into obscurity could be herded onstage.

actor: & i'd like to thank god for believing in me!
god: oh, yeah?
an act of god. when approached, eh said he'd love to help, but only with best picture, maybe best director.
Mar 3, 2014
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