Pat Oliphant for July 11, 2012

I guess he has the love of Palin, ODonnell, Santorum, Bachman, Gingrich, Cain, Trump, and most importantly, W.?

The sad reality of politics today, and throughout time.

Governor Mitt might be the most honest President since Lincoln. I’ll be honest too…I’m just happy to vote out Pres Obama.

Of course Mitt is honest.-He honestly cannot remember holding that kid down and cutting his hair.-He honestly believes the dog was happy riding on top of the car for 12 hours.-He was honestly pro choice when running for office in Massachusetts. He is honestly anti-abortion with no exceptions now.-He honestly believes he can shake the etch-a-sketch and all his old positions will disappear.-He honestly believes that he doesn’t have to release his tax returns.-He honestly believes it’s patriotic to have secret offshore accounts.-He honestly believes in supporting a war he was not willing to serve in.-He honestly believes we should have invaced Iraq and shouldn’t have gotten out.-He honestly believes he has a plan to REPLACE Obama care, but it’s just not the right time to share it.-He honestly believes he has a plan to improve the economy, but it’s just not the right time to share it.-He honestly believes it’s okay to say anything to get elected.

And that is why everyone will vote for Mitt! There is very little difference between Mitt and Barak. One gives you hope and change. The other gives you change but no hope. Take you pick and trod along.

Recent Mittens advertisements are “Obama has cut unemployment, but not as much as he promised, and he has increased growth, but not as much as he promised.” Not a big fan of either, but the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.

A sad commentary, indeed.Pat is still da’ man!

Honest? One days he says he knows where his money is so he cen decide hot to invesr it. The next he says it’s a “blind trust” that he doesn’t know where it is.

The only thing Mitt is honest about it going back to Bush’s (failed) policies and screwing up the country worse that it already is.

When do we get to see Mitt’s long form? His daddy was from Mexico.

Oh wait! Mitt’s a white boy! Birth certificates only matter if you’re a racist

What’s the matter, doc? Bad day on the golf course?

You can always tell when a political campaign is getting hot and heavy near its end, because the name-calling becomes more frequent. “Thief-in-chief” is a new one to me, but it’s probably been used a long time. Seems like every day I see a new one using the name “Obama.” Is there a phrase factory somewhere that churns them out? They’re kind of clever in a rude way. /

Somewhere I’d like to see a list of all the word play phrases on Obama’s name. It must be easy to attach things because of the vowels at the beginning and end. I always wondered at the plethora of long rhymed poetry in other languages, especially the ones closely derived from Latin. /

Dante’s COMEDIA is a case in point. A teacher told it was relatively easy to do end rhymes in Italian because many words had vowel endings and thus the required syllabic count and endings of words were more plentiful. In English, poets must often reorder the normal word order so that words at the end of lines rhyme. With effort and inspiration, the resulting effect can be unusual, beautiful, and memorable. /

Anyway, I think Romney’s main strength in this campaign is that he’s not Obama. (Roger Simon at “Politico” had a column about this recently.) He might be wise to have his PR team formulate an ad that shows him as “The Un-Obama.” It would be modeled after the old Seven-Up ads that presented it as “The Un-Cola.”

I believe that Mitt Romney is going to be a great President. Here’s what I think he will do:

1. Turn healthcare back over to the pharmaceutical corporations to increase their bottom lines (a few million people may die or suffer needlessly from this, but that’s evolution baby [evolution-something we don’t believe in]).2. Remove those restrictive regulations protecting the environment so the corporate polluters don’t have to shell out protection from their beautiful, godly profits. (Lots of people AND animals will die as the air and water become poisonous, but the profits will be absolutely astounding!).3. Get rid of social security and medicare and unemployment insurance so there’s more money to buy yachts for the rich. (The “trickle down” economy will fail to “trickle down” as usual and many elderly will become homeless and die. The unemployed that were created by the economic policies that deregulate corporations, creating even more profits for our fine corporate citizens, will drive more and more people out onto the street, creating despair, soaring crime rates and, of course, lots of death; but, who cares. profits will be glorious! )

I could go on, but, I think this conveys the main message. What a great America this is going to be once Mitt gets his mitts on it! I can’t wait. My grandchildren are going to love living in that America! Oh, yeah!

A previous post resembles many of the Tea Party postings I’ve seen the last few years. The first one I encountered frantically alerted people to Obama as an ALIEN INFLUENCE, an EXTREME DANGER to the AMERICAN WAY OF LIFE!! /

I was UTTERLY CONVINCED! I rushed to get the family into our backyard bomb shelter, but the door (it hadn’t been opened since 9/11) was jammed, so I went back to my computer, wiped the cyber spittle off the screen, and did research./

As regards this particular rant, I traced it back to George Washington (that pinko Tory) on a point by point basis. However, it goes far, far back in every nation and culture. The very first instance seems to be recorded on a cracked cuneiform tablet from about 3000 B.C., discovered at a dig site in Mesopotamia. /

Professor Pferdefuss von Quacksalber of the Archeology Department at the University of North Neurasthenia presented his findings at an international symposium in 2008. They are contubrious, to say the least. Nebuchoboma II seems to have the honor of first ruler to be accused in exactly this way./

Next month the complete findings will be published in the Quarterly Periodical of Paranoic Politics. Don’t miss it.

The Koch brothers should be proud.

The fortune that Mitt is spending isn’t his own fortune, of course, so it seems a bit odd that he is so desperately bragging about it. But I love the art in this one, the way Mitt seems to be bigger than the couple (and the couch) put together, while at the same time coming across as a very little man, indeed. If only the Mitt of 2008 could be here now—he wouldn’t have anything to do with the Mitt of 2012.

Omit first sentence.

Omit word “else” in second sentence.

There, that’s better….