Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for October 03, 2016
Transcript:
there's an opossum in my garage! well don't panic! opossums are beneficial in many ways! they'll happily devour any lice, fleas, nits, ticks, chiggers, slugs, grubs, etc. infesting most foreign and domestic cars, leaving them showroom-new! man: hey! did you know? opossums are the only marsupial native to north america! they even predate the dinosaurs! this makes them just insufferable. opossum: we came over to america in 153 million b.c., unlike some mammals i could name. opossum fun fact- when cornered an opossum will play dead, or at least fake a spastic colon, so convincingly that even hardened critics are fooled! it sure looked dead to me! -60 second preview better than "shear madness"! -variety opossum: agh opossums in the arts- american author henry james was famous for his collection of stuffed opossums! of course, it was probably one of those things where somebody once gave him a stuffed opossum & he feigned enthusiasm just to be nice & then -boom- everybody's giving him stuffed opossums until he's heartily sick of the wretched things. james had accumulated over 300 stuffed opossums by 1916 when he died ironically of a spastic colon. want to learn more about opossums? come on over to my garage, but watch your step, there are tentworms all over the place. next week- collecting snowglobes with ernest hemingway.
Kip W over 7 years ago
Now I’m ready to give that talk at the National Opossum Society.
Homeward Premium Member over 7 years ago
I now want to incorporate “heartily sick of the wretched things” into conversations about politicians. It will be easy enough. ;-)
pam Miner over 7 years ago
Possums are pretty cool animals. That mouth full of pointy teeth are scary looking, but I had 1 on my porch. When I came out in walked away grumbling.
Best Opssum spot is on You Tube and watch the Opossum Lady. She gives hers baths, massages, and Opssum etiquette and urges people to: If you see a dead Opossum by the side of the road, stop and see if it still feels warm, there may be live babies in her pouch that can be rescued to a wildlife sanctuary.Part of the fun of watching her she is dressed up and speaks like a grammar teacher.
Sisyphos over 7 years ago
An opossum in your garage, and, lo, this humor comes of it! It’s like magic! (Not the opossum, though.)
pumaman over 7 years ago
People who see them for the first time often mistake them for the biggest rat they ever saw!
Cat Hammer over 7 years ago
Opossums and William Howard Taft: http://mentalfloss.com/article/51030/billy-possum-president-tafts-answer-teddy-bear